FXXkin' Perfect
by tmntyyh
Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Longer summary and warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>Gritting his teeth together and crushing the filter of his lit cigarette in the process, Cid trembled as his numb legs forged on through the deep snow, arms wrapping tightly around his shivering body. It often grew cold in Rocket Town during the winter months; snow blanketed the ground deep enough to be a nuisance when working in his hanger, but this was ridiculous. In his cold-ravaged mind, the pilot glared at the two companions that were stupid enough to walk in with him in the snow.<p>

Cloud was barely shivering, his healthy pale skin remaining the same shade as he walked through the snow with little problem. Fuck, he was probably too juiced up on mako to even realize that it was snowing hard enough in its attempt to bury them alive. Goosebumps prickled against the blonde leader's skin, arms bare as he walked.

Vincent, on the other hand, walked through the snow as though he was walking down the beach. The fucker was wrapped head to toe in leather, red cloth, and metal.

Tightening his flight scarf around his neck, the blonde gripped his Venus Gospel as though it was the only thing that could save him from the cold. God, what he would give to have his Tiny Bronco back and be flying over this snowstorm. Shivering with every step he took, the pilot hissed when he nearly lost his footing and fell face first into the snow. His arms reached out as he struggled to catch his balance, eyes glaring at the two pairs of crimson and cyan orbs that turned to look back at him.

"F-fuck off!" he snapped before taking a drag from his wilting cigarette. Gods, he truly hated the cold. Wrapping his arms around his chest again as his body shivered, the pilot wrapped his jacket tighter around his chest. Heavy denim could only help so much when faced with the searing, all-encapsulating arctic air. A gusting wind swept around them, throwing both falling and fallen snow in their sight as the cold felt as though it was cutting into the blonde's face.

"...Do you see any place to wait this one out?" Cloud said softly to the ex-Turk standing beside him as they walked through the snow. "I don't think Cid can take much more...maybe Cait Sith should have switched out with him? ...Or Nanaki?"

"I can fu-fuckin' hear ya!" the other blonde snapped back as he grit his teeth together in an attempt to keep his teeth from chattering.

"...He might have taken it as an insult," the brunette mused before pointing into the distance where Cloud could only make out a change in color whereas Cid did not see anything. "There is a cave."

Nodding, the swordsman and gunner headed off towards the cave while Cid cursed everything his could think of in his mind, struggling to keep up with them while trying to make sure that he did not trip over something with his glacial limbs. Grumbling to himself, the pilot cursed out his two companions. Did they even feel how cold it was anymore?

Eventually, far longer than Cid would have liked, they made it into the cold cave where Cloud began to look around for anything that inhabited the silent space with them. Vincent, however was just standing near the entrance of the cavern and staring eerily at the pilot. It was really odd how similar they were, the aviator mused to himself as leaned back against the rock wall before sliding down and wrapping his arms around his legs, his trusty spear lying perpendicular to his feet and within easy reach as his body trembled.

"Ya g-got a fuckin' pr-problem?" the blonde snapped, angry with how his voice stuttered from the cold. Watching the brunette shrug did not do much to ease the ire he was feeling. They were way too fucking alike. Both silent, rarely speaking unless necessary, both "haunted" by their "sins," both ignoring present love-interests for those that were dead... Vincent was passing up Yuffie, who was practically throwing herself at him, for Lucrecia. Cloud was ignoring Tifa, who actually was throwing herself at the idiot, for Aeris...but he had an inkling that it was actually Sephiroth that the little weirdo pined for.

"...You're freezing..." the gunner muttered as his glowing eyes watched him intently, making his numb skin crawl. His eyes were just as bright as Cloud's and that particular wing nut had not only been shot up with enough mako to kill an entire town, but also fell into the Lifestream twice! Some fucked up shit had to go down where the emo-vampire was concerned, Cid decided.

"No sh-shit!" he snapped back, blinking when the slowly stepped closer, metallic boots clacking loudly against the frozen rocks as he made his way to the blonde.

"...Would you like to return?"

"F-fuckin' bite me! I-I ain't pussin' o-out!"

Tilting his head slightly, the brunette shrugged before stepping back and murmuring something indecipherable. Returning the the other side of the cavern, the gunner became a barely visible part of the scenery, his eyes staying firmly on the pilot, though. Rubbing his legs with his gloved hands, Cid grumbled to himself about how he really hated the cold as the feeling slowly started to return to his limbs, not enough to feel warm, but just enough to let the slight heat from friction make his skin feel as though it was on fire.

"...Are you okay, Cid?" Cloud asked as he suddenly appeared next to the pilot, startling him. He did not even hear him walk up to him!

"Fuckin' peachy!" the blonde snapped back, rolling his eyes when Cloud nodded slightly. Why was he traveling with these crackpots again? Oh yeah, the world is ending. Damn. "...We got any tea or does Tifa got it?"

"...Tifa," the other blonde replied.

"Fuckin' great!" At the sudden silence, Cid began to fumble around as he searched his pocket for his lighter. "Fuck it! ...Ya know, I ain't know shit about any of ya fuckin' wing nuts. An' ya know much more 'bout me than ya should!"

"...You offered the information," Cloud muttered with a shrug.

"Don't fuckin' matter! We got time to kill an' I'm a curious som'bitch so start talkin'!" Satisfied with the nod the swordsman gave before sitting down in the dark cavern, Cid grinned before feeling creeped out when both pairs of glowing eyes watched him. "An' ya, Val?"

"...Vincent."

"What-the fuck-ever! Are ya going to fuckin' share or what?"

"...No."

"No?"

"...No."

"Why the fuck not? The fuck could ya tell us that could get yer panties in a bunch? We're all stuck in this shit together an' I'd rather know that the people who are supposed to keep my ass from gettin' knocked six feet under ain't got some sick fetish fer watchin' people die!"

"...I don't."

"Oh, that's fuckin' convincin'!" Cid sneered as his teeth chattered. "Make ya a deal. Fer every question of mine ya answer, I'll answer one of yers!"

"...Deal," the gunner said as he nodded.

"Yeah, but no fuckin' pussin' out an' not tellin' the full story!"

"...I'm game," Cloud said as he nodded. "...Who goes first?"

Review if you want more.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Eh," Cid muttered before shrugging, "yer the goddamn leader. Ya go first an' we'll go 'round in a fuckin' circle."<p>

"...Clockwise or counterclockwise?" Cloud asked as he continued to look at the other blonde.

"Fuckin' hell; do I got to decided everythin' 'round here!" Looking at the both of them, the non-mako-enhanced man rolled his eyes. "Clockwise."

Nodding, Cloud paused before thinking, "Uhh...have you ever done drugs?"

"...Ecstasy," Vincent muttered from his spot in the cave, arms crossed in front of his chest. "...Back when I first started in the Turks."

"Wow," the swordsman said as he nodded, "I never took drugs. ...What about you, Cid?"

"Heh, yer both pussies," the pilot muttered as he continued to rub his legs. "Meth, LSD, an' heroin."

"You're kidding!"

"Swear on Vampy's coffin!"

"But...but you were in the Space program!"

"Yeah, and he was in the fuckin' Turks! Ain't like I said I was sellin' it to children! Just...kids do crazy shit, ya know? Some kids swipe beer from their parent's fridge or liquor from the cabinet..."

"...Your parent's did drugs?" Cloud asked as he blinked. "...Wow. That's...wow..."

"Eh, shut up. Yer up, Val. What question do ya got on yer mind?" Cid asked as he flexed his cold, gloved fingers, shivering from the cold as he glared at the two pairs of glowing eyes that were staring at him. "What?"

"...Why are you so attached to Sephiroth, Cloud?" Vincent muttered before looking over at the other blonde.

Well, would you look at that, Cid thought as he grinned. The silent vampire finally grew a spine and asked what was on everyone's mind. He looked over to the leader of the mismatched group of rebels and took pleasure in the way the other blonde stammered and fidgeted.

"It's not...I don't-" the flustered blonde stuttered, trying to figure out what to say as he was put on the spotlight. "He was my hero..."

"Yer such a fag, Spike," Cid chuckled before breathing into his gloved hands. "That ain't hero-admiration. Ya act like ya want ta jump into his fuckin' pants."

"What, no!" Cloud said, face darkening slightly in the dark cave. "It's not like that!"

"...Denial," Vincent added, looking smug with himself as he watched the shortest of the blonde try to talk his way out of the loop the gunner knocked him into. Not that Cid was complaining. Hell, he enjoyed seeing the rare streaks of smug, dark humor from the brunette man. Usually it came in the form of a soft-spoken quip, not a full-blown assault of a question. "You know the rules, you have to answer the question truthfully, Cloud." Oh, he was toying with a little mouse that was caught by the sharp claws of a demonic cat. Yeah, Vincent sure was one mean fucker when he wanted to be.

"But I- You make it sound like I'm gay for him!" the blonde leader huffed in surprised annoyance.

"Well, are ya?" Cid asked with a grin.

"...You'll get your question in due time, Chief," the brunette commented while keeping his eyes on Cloud. "Go on..."

"I don't love Sephiroth! I hate him! He killed Aeris! We're on our way to kill him!"

"...Oh?"

"Yes!"

"...You're blushing, Cloud."

"Heh, kid wants to bang the freak."

"What? I do not!"

"Would you prefer if he topped you, Cloud?"

"May- What, no!"

Damn, Vincent sure was on fire with that line of questioning! The pilot watched in amusement as the gunner meticulously picked away all of Cloud's defenses and talking him in circles, eventually getting the little weirdo to admit that while he hated and wanted to kill Sephiroth, he still felt appreciation towards the silver-haired man and dreamt about the "past" that they shared. He could only hope that the gunner's next question was directed towards their leader once more instead of himself. Who knew what the diabolical man could think up?

"So, Val, are ya gay?"

"...No."

"Oh yeah? Then why the fuck is the Brat runnin' 'round cryin' 'bout ya pushin' her away all the goddamn time?"

"...I do believe you only get one question, Captain. Feel free to ask it during your next chance," the brunette commented flippantly. Fucker was twisting the rules he created against him! Son of a bitch was sneaky as fuck all!

"...When did you first become interested in flying, Cid?" the other blonde muttered.

"Jumped off my Ma's roof when I was twelve. Fuckin' best feelin' in the world to be soarin' through the sky. Ground hurt like a bitch, though; broke six bones on that landin'."

Nodding, the leader of Avalanche turned to look at Vincent.

"...Chief, would you care to explain your fascination with overcompensation?"

"Eh? The fuck are ya talking 'bout?"

"The large phallus-shaped rocket in your backyard, no pun intended, the color of your airplane, you fight with a large spear, and you have silhouettes of women plastered on your aircrafts..."

"SO?"

An eerie chill swept through the cave as the glowing red eyes looked to him and seemed to be shining with concealed mirth. Something was off with the vampiric man's question and damn if he could figure it out.

"So," the brunette said slowly as he continued to watch the shivering blonde. "Are you either gay and trying to cover it up or do you merely have a small penis?"

"WHAT?" two voices called out; one in amusement, the other in fury.

Review if you want more. ...Seemed like a good place to end...

Thanks for reviewing:

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks.

**fetherhd**: Heh, it's a wash!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Why thank you! I'm trying (some days I only get one, some days none - thank you, FanFiction).

**mizperceived**: Ha! Very true! But Cloud gets to play too; making it fun for everyone.

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, I don't find it creepy at all.

**Katt**: Here you go!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"I ain't neither of that!" Cid snapped as his ears burned in embarrassment. "Just 'cause a man likes a woman figure an' fights an' flyin' doesn't mean he's got a small dick! So fuck ya!"<p>

"...So that is a confirmation to you being gay, Chief?" Vincent asked in amusement as Cloud burst into a fit of laughter.

"Fuck the both of ya! I ain't gay an' I ain't got a small dick!" the blonde pilot huffed before pulling out his carton of cigarettes with numb fingers and flipping open the top. Pulling out a cigarette, he slipped it between his lips before making sure his carton was securely squirreled away and lighting the end, sucking heavily on the filter. "Spike, this has been buggin' me fer a while... The fuck is up with yer hair? Ya look like a chocobo's ass, kid."

"What?" Cloud asked before running his fingers through his hair. "It's always been like this; I can't control it. ...Not that I haven't tried..." Ignoring the snicker that came from the smoking pilot, the blonde swordsman turned his head to look at Vincent. "Is Sephiroth your kid?"

"...No," Vincent replied curtly before looking at Cid and smirking behind his cloak. "So, Chief..."

"Oh, fuck," the blonde groaned before glaring at the brunette man in the dark cave. "The fuck do ya want to know now?"

"Have you ever been in love before?"

"Shit, ya ask the weirdest fuckin' questions, ya know that, Val?" Blowing out a mouthful of smoke, the blonde nodded while tapping the ash off of the burning end of his cigarette. "Yeah; chick had pink hair if ya believe it. Crazy motherfucker if I ever seen one. Still don't know why the fuck I fell fer the crazy bitch. Broke up with her when I found her in my bed with some strange fuck. Can ya believe the psycho got all upset an' caved my skull in with a goddamn bat? Woke up when she decided ta wax off my pubes."

"...Ow..." Vincent muttered softly.

"Yer damn right! Shit hurt like a bitch; red bumps, pain, fuckin' itched like hell when it grew back too!"

"I don't know. ...It's wasn't that bad when I had it done," Cloud added with a shrug, blinking at the too pairs of eyes that stared back at him. "...What?"

"Yer such a girl, Spike," Cid laughed before sucking on the filter of his cigarette again. "So, Val, ya ever date a crazy chick?"

"...I only dated Lucrecia..."

"Oh, yer fuckin' pathetic. ...She ever do any kinky shit to ya?"

"One question per chance, Captain," the brunette retorted in amusement. "Go on, Cloud."

"...Do you have a hand under the metal?"

Shaking his head, the brunette wiggled his golden, clawed fingers, "No, the lower half of my arm is gone," he muttered before slipping the mechanical prosthetic behind the thick fabric of his clock before looking back at the blonde leader. "Are you still a virgin?"

"Oh my God!" Cid laughed loudly. For a man who was supposedly a somber and quiet man, he sure had a way with words when it came to asking questions. The fucker had no personal boundaries when it came to anyone other than himself.

"What? No! I've had sex before!" Cloud defended, face darkening in the dark light.

"Really?" the brunette asked, voice dripping with amusement. "With whom?"

"...Uhh..."

"Really? Was that her last name or first name," the ex-Turk teased mercilessly. "It will not make you any less of man."

"The fuck it won't!" Cid countered. "Ya ain't a man when the only thin' ya ever fucked was yer right hand! Especially when ya got a chick who chases after yer dick like she needs it to survive! Ya need to get yer ass laid, Spike! Pronto!"

"...That's horrible advice, Chief," Vincent chuckled softly, amused by the pilot.

"...I don't have any women chasing after me," Cloud retorted, blinking when Cid started to laugh.

"Ya give us blondes a bad name, Spike!"

"...I thought the same thing when you misplaces your lighter just to find it strapped to your goggles," the swordsman replied.

"'Ey!"

"Settle down, children." the ex-Turk said after he whistled loudly. "It is your turn, Chief."

"Fine, fine, an' I ain't a kid; fuckin' older than ya are, Val! ...Any of ya got tattoos?" Cloud shook his head before the pair of blondes looked over at Vincent.

"One," the brunette said as he shrugged. "Ironically, a small cross between my shoulder blades."

"Ironic 'cause of Chaos?" Cid asked, remembering the first time he witnessed the transformation. Had to be ironic because that fuck had large wings and that cross had to be somewhere smack-dab in the middle of them. That had to suck. The pilot hummed at the nod before looking at Cloud. "Yer turn, virgin."

"Hmm...what's the weirdest thing you ever did in bed, Cid?"

"...Ya mean sex, right?"

"...Yeah?"

"Good. Once had a chick; crazy bitch, this one was-"

"That seems to be a theme," Vincent commented.

"Ha-ha-ha," the blonde sneered before flipping off the standing man and taking another drag on his cigarette before blowing the smoke out of his nose. "Ya ain't heard nothin' yet! So, psycho wanted to have a nice home-cooked meal at my place. Came home from working on the rocket out back to find her wearin' my apron an' nothin' else-"

"You own an apron?" Cloud asked in amusement. "...And you call me a fag..."

"This was before Shera, I assume," Vincent commented.

"Will ya'll shut the fuck up an' let a man speak? Anyway, we went up to the bed an' she said had a surprise fer me. Psycho blindfolded me, tied me down, an' shoved a vibrator up my ass 'fore takin' my schematics! Can ya fuckin' believe that?"

"...I believe it," Vincent said as he grinned behind his cloak.

"How long did you continue to date her?" Cloud asked, blinking when the other blonde sputtered and turned red.

"The fuck do ya mean, Spike? I didn't continue to date her! The bitch robbed me!"

"...And that part bothers you more than the vibrator?" the gunner chimed in as his glowing, red eyes kept their focus on the blonde.

"Oh fer the love of- I AIN'T GAY!"

"Shall we review the evidence that points to the contrary, Chief?"

"It's okay to be gay, Cid."

"...I fuckin' hate ya'll."

Chuckling softly, the brunette kept his gaze on the blonde, "Tell me, Chief; we have all heard your bravado on the topic, but how do you truly feel about Miss Shera?"

"Ya want her? Take her! Be my fuckin' guest! Woman won't leave me the fuck alone!" He grunted softly when his cell phone vibrated loudly. "Speak of the fuckin' devil..." Flipping open the phone and hold it to his ear, he grumbled. "The fuck's wrong now, Sher'? ...Tell me yer fuckin' jokin'! ...Oh, fuck off!" he snapped before closing the phone and slipping it back into his pocket. "...She wishes ya'll a good fuckin' night."

"...I don't think he likes her very much," Cloud said with a shrug.

Review if you want more. FanFiction is fucking with my hits. I have three days with no hits, yet over twenty reviews posted for those days. Fucking cheaters...

Thanks for reviewing:

**mizperceived**: We tend not to play such games (or any at all if not video games). Heh, he's a sneaky bastard, that's for sure.

**Inuobsessed004**: Ha! That's perfect!

**MayaDarkling**: Heh, nice!

**Aeriths-Rain**: That he does!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh...

**Dreadful Virtue**: Heh, wait no more!

**Raphaella**: Well, they are men (and I am assuming that men do that to one another).

**Chess**: Aww, thanks! Hm, not quite sure how this one will go...


	4. Chapter 4

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Obviously," Vincent replied before looking at the blonde pilot. "It is your turn to ask, Chief."<p>

"Fuck," the blonde muttered before taking another drag on his cigarette, "Ya used to be a Turk, right, Val?"

"Yes," the gunner replied while smirking behind the tall collar of his cloak. "Your turn, Cloud."

"'Ey! That wasn't my fuckin' question!" the pilot snapped.

"You asked a question and I answered," the ex-Turk replied before chuckling at the litany of curses that followed. Huffing, the pilot sucked on the filter of the cigarette while crossing his arms in front of his chest and sulking. Oh, he would get the devious gunner for that!

"Okay," Cloud muttered before pausing to think. "Cid, have you ever...you know..."

Blinking, the pilot turned to Vincent who just shrugged at him. "Nah, what the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"Have you ever...with a guy..."

"Woah! Hold on there, Spike! Are ya askin' if I ever fucked a guy?" Cid asked, ears turning red as he glared at the other blonde.

"What? Oh, God, no!"

"Oh, thank God! Fer fuck's sake; what are ya tryin' to ask?"

"Have you ever been fucked by a man?"

"WHAT?" Cid snapped as his eyes grew red, ears barely picking up the soft chuckled coming the dark corner of the cave that Vincent was standing in.

"That was a waste of a question, Cloud," the gunner commented, smirking behind his cloak. "We already know that he as been taken by a dildo."

"Fuck ya, Val!" the pilot snapped in embarrassment. Man, the brunette sure knew how and where to dig to get the best results to suit his own needs. He needed to share a bit more when giving answers instead of short replies and long, confusing questions.

"I shall pass," the ex-Turk said calmly, enjoying the way that the blonde sneered at him.

"...Is that a yes?" Cloud asked as he looked between the two bickering teammates.

"Fuck no! I ain't gay!" Cid snapped, huffing in annoyance. "The fuck is wrong with ya'll? I ain't gay an' ya'll ain't gonna get me to agree to be gay with ya, ya fuckin' drama queens!"

"...Is he really calling us drama queens after that outburst?" Cloud asked before looking at the brunette that just shrugged in amusement.

"I do believe so," Vincent replied while keeping his eyes on the pilot. "Chief, do you ever plan on settling down and having children in Rocket Town?"

"If yer implyin' that I'm wantin' to marry Shera an' watch her pop out a couple of brats, yer screwier than the brat on meth, ya know that? The fuck would I want to have kids fer? Sure as fuck can't take 'em on a plane with ya an' women get bitchy when they get knocked up. Not like ya wing nuts would ever know. Trust me, ain't nothin' worse than being stuck in a house with a pregnant woman who ya ain't cookin' for!"

"...You got a woman pregnant?" Cloud asked as he blinked.

"The fuck kind of freak do ya take me to be, Spike? I might be a hard-ass an' a bit of a redneck-"

"A bit?" Vincent interjected with a smirk just to piss of the pilot.

"Fuck ya, Val! But ya listen up, an' ya listen good, kid! I ain't one of those fuckin' inbred hillbillies you lot in Midgar think we are! Granted, there are a few of them fuckers in Rocket Town, but I ain't one of them! My sister was the one knocked up, ya fuckin' freak!"

"Oh..." Cloud said, looking embarrassed. "You never said you had a sister."

"Seven! Got seven of them. Ugliest som'bitches ya ever saw, too! Pity the spineless fuckers that decided to fuck 'em, let alone marry 'em!"

"So, you are the only one who is not married out of the Highwind clan? Do you not wish to carry on the Highwind name?" Vincent asked as he watched the pilot carefully. Cid could tell that he was the sole focus of the brunette. Crimson eyes watched him eerily in the darkness as the rest of the ex-Turk vanished beneath the fading light. The bastard was studying him? The fuck was he: some project for the gunner to stare at under a microscope?

"Of course! Ain't gonna fuckin' settle down with the first psycho to come my way!"

"Obviously," the gunner commented. "Otherwise, you would be at home with a dildo up your ass instead of sitting in a cold, dark cave with us."

"Yeah," Cid said with a grin. "An' who am I to pass up such a wonderful fuckin' offer? Ya lot would be helpless without me an' I ain't one fer sittin' at home while little brats run 'round screamin' their heads off an' my fat bitch of a wife just lops off my balls ta string on a golden chain fer her necklace!"

"...And that is your version of marriage?" the gunner asked as he raised an eyebrow. "No picket fences, two children, a dog, and a beautiful wife?"

"Heh, see my sisters an' yer idea of marriage will be shot to hell, too! Ain't nothin' like watchin' one of 'em scream at one kid while knawin' on a chicken leg, puttin' on makeup, an' emasculatin' her husband all in one go! Fuckin' depressin' as fuck all to watch when ya think that yer going to turn into that one day. Broad's kill ya, Val. Mark my words!"

"...I thought married men live longer than single men..." Cloud commented as he blinked and stared at Cid like he had the answers to all of life's questions.

"Yeah, only 'cause married women ain't going to let you die! They need ya alive to run all their errands, fix up the house, bring home the bacon, punish the little brats that they say are yer kids, an' buy all of the shit they need to stuff their faces with!"

"...Wow..."

"Hmm, I think we have just witnessed a glimpse of the misogynist that is supposed to help save the planet..."

"'Ey! I love women, ya fuckin' loony tune! ...Jus' don't like marriage is all!"

"That is an understatement..."

"Fuck ya! Now, Val, what was the craziest thin' ya ever did as a Turk? An' I want fuckin' details! No two-worded answer, ya sneaky fuck!"

Review if you want more. Sorry for the length; I got hit with a new plot and it won't leave me alone...

Thanks for reviewing:

**mizperceived**: Ha! Thought you would like that! Well, Cloud's a little fruitcake (and totally into kinky shit). Heh, thanks!

**Aeriths-Rain**: Naturally.

**Dreadful Virtue**: Aww, thanks!

**Inuobsessed004**: Never heard it...but now I will go find it!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Ha! Most likely! I take that as a good sign! Heh, Cloud's in denial, but then again, Cid usually is, too...

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, sorry? Not that speedy, but here you go!

**b**: Heh, thanks!

**Pale Meadow in the Moonlight**: Heh, Cloud's a bit vanilla, Cid's trying to think, and Vincent's got a mean streak of questions. Aww, thanks! Indeed! Vincent's a plotting bastard, that's for sure!


	5. Chapter 5

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Hmm," Vincent hummed as he leaned back against the wall, his glowing red eyes staring at the blonde pilot through the darkness. "I would have to say that it was when I first joined the Turks; I was barely an adult and was convinced to go drinking with the team of Turks that I was working alongside. Needless to say, I was ill-prepared for how quickly alcohol could work through my system and woke to find myself handcuffed to a strange bed completely naked..." he paused and took a breath, looking away from the pilot who was watching him with a grin plastered on his face as he rapidly rubbed at his legs. "...With a smiley face drawn on the tip of my dick in permanent marker..."<p>

"Is it still there?" Cloud asked quickly, enwrapped in the story that Vincent was telling them.

"Of course not," the gunner said with a short chuckle. "Believe it or not, Cloud, but permanent marker does not mean that it will never wash off. Granted, it did stay for a few weeks as I was not too comfortable with scrubbing the skin raw in such a place... Now," Vincent said as he turned his eyes towards the laughing pilot and smirked behind the cowl of his cloak. "Tell me, Chief, of what and where is your own tattoo? I do remember you once telling Miss Kisaragi to mind her own business lest she see it."

"Oh, yer a fuckin' prick, yanno that?" the blonde pilot growled as his laughter cut short, glaring at the smug gunner. "...Got a couple of 'em, actually... The one yer talkin' 'bout is of this little red heart I got plastered to my ass."

"...Does it have wings?" Cloud asked, intrigued with the thought. "And doesn't it hurt to get tattooed there?"

"Do I look like a fuckin' girl, Spike?" Cid snapped, not noticing how much more smug Vincent was becoming. "Oh course it ain't got wings on it! 'S just a heart! Plain, simple, red heart! Goddamn! An' I don't fuckin' remember if it hurt or not! Was plastered to high heaven when I thought it was a good idea to have that butch chick take a needle to my ass and mark it! Do know one thin', though; ain't nothing hurt like gettin' yer dick inked."

"...No way..."

"Ya bet yer ass, Spike!" Cid said as he grinned. "That was the worst one I got; nice penmanship on it though."

"...What does it say?"

""Bite Me,"" the pilot chuckled. "Could have made it say "Suck It," but I choose that instead. Also got kind of tag... All of the people in the flight program got one just in case somethin' happened. We all went together, took a bottle of whiskey with us, mind ya. An' we sat down in the fuckin' leather seat while some lanky motherfucker inked our last names on our inner thighs. Guaranteed that I ain't ever forgettin' my last name 'til I die!"

"...You have had one interesting life, Chief," Vincent said as he smiled slightly.

"'Ey, jus' be glad ya ain't seen any of 'em. That's way when I tell ya ta stay the fuck out of my room, I fuckin' mean it! Spike, ya ever think of settlin' down an' raisin' a whole litter of brats?"

"...My mom really wanted me to; she said I need to find a woman that is older than me and can take care of me..."

"Heh, well that knocks Teef out of the runnin'!"

"...Sephiroth is older than you, Cloud," Vincent commented, making the blonde swordsman nod slightly.

"...Vincent," Cloud said before turning his nervous eyes in the brunette's directions. "Do you think we're strong enough to face him and not die? ...That I'm strong enough to...you know..."

"...Kill him? Yes, I think you could manage to do so," the gunner said as he nodded slightly.

"Fuck that shit, Spike!" Cid snapped, getting the other blonde's attention. "Ya ain't some weak pussy that's gonna run home at any given time. An' yeah, yer fucked up in the head, all right. That psychopath's got some kind of hold on ya that I sure as fuck don't understand but ya can't fuckin' lose faith in yerself. Ya want ta kill the fucker, right? Get back at him fer killin' yer Mama? Killin' Aeris? Tifa's dad? Yer whole goddamn childhood in one fell swoop? Then nut up, kid! I might not have a personal bone to pick with the motherfucker, but I'm certain that if ya can't handle it, the rest of up will. Hell, we're a fuckin' team, not some goddamn tea party!"

Nodding, the younger blonde smiled softly at the pilot, "Thanks, Cid."

"Yer welcome, Spike. Go, Val; ask whatever ridiculous question ya got bouncin' 'round in yer head."

"Have you ever lost faith in humanity, Captain?"

"...Holy fuck... When did this become a goddamn pity party? Yeah, I lost faith in humanity; damn straight I did right after the failure of launching my goddamn rocket. Drunk my ass off fer a few days 'fore I realized that my Pa was right: Ain't nothin' in life is easy, if it is, brace yerself 'cause that shit-storm's 'bout to gear up an' knock the fuck out of yer ass! Turned my attention to my other aircrafts then an' became the envy of fuckin' ShinRa. Ain't lettin' nothin' get in my way 'r hold me back!"

"...That is very admiral, Chief."

"Thanks, Val. So, ya elusive fucker; the fuck is with yer need fer a gun? I sure as fuck know that ya can fight with the shiny pig stickers ya got on yer hand and damn if Turks can't fight with knives 'r bombs, 'r even floss fer fuck's sake. So what the fuck's yer issue with fightin' from a distance?"

Thanks for reviewing:

**Aeriths-Rain**: Indeed.

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, he's good with schematics and rocket science, not behavioral psychology.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Indeed! Heh, now, why would Cid do that? Vincent would easily turn it on him and ask him why he is thinking of him think of himself using dildos and what his subconscious was alluding to. That would lead to Cid being very confused. ...But we all know Vincent secretly is thinking about it...

**mizperceived**: Heh, well, he was an ex-Turk. He's known for being a devious man with devious methods.

**omgitskirby**: Aww, thanks!

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, thanks! I take pride in being evil.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>"Simple, really," Vincent replied as he flexed his golden fingers in the darkness. "Fighting from a distance gives me far more of an advantage than fighting from a limited range, such as yourself and Cloud, or from a very close distance, such as Miss Lockheart. It is more of a personal preference to guns instead of throwing objects, such as Miss Kisaragi. I would rather sit from a distance and pick them off one by one instead of jumping into the fray and risk distraction."<p>

"Distraction," Cid repeated as he raised an eyebrow, nearly burnt-out cigarette bobbing between his lips as he spoke. "What the fuck could possibly distract ya in a fight?"

"Your question, Cloud," the gunner replied, ignoring the pilot's second question, and his stream of curses, as he smirked deviously behind the tall cowl of his cloak.

"Oh, okay..." the blonde said with a slight nod before frowning slightly. "...Do any of you know how to break up with someone you aren't dating?"

"...Miss Lockheart?" the gunner asked before chuckling at the slight nod. "Hmm, young love at its finest..."

Snorting, the pilot stubbed out his cigarette on the frozen ground underneath him, "Young love, my ass! It's fuckin' overrated!"

"...Cynic."

"Romantic optimist! Listen up, Spike. Ya pull her to the side and sit her down. Tell her as firmly as ya can that yer gay fer Sephiroth an' no amount of cleavage she shoves in yer face is going to change that fact. Yer lookin' fer a cock or ass to fill yer needs, not tits an' a pussy! Got that?"

"...That is a horrible thing to tell a woman, Chief. Cloud, while you do need to have an honest talk with Miss Lockheart, you, under no circumstances, should say that to a woman."

"Bullshit! Speak yer mind, ya little fairy!"

"...Silence."

"Make me! Spike, grow a pair of balls an' show the broad that while yer a fag, ya ain't a bitch! Man up, already! If ya don't, she'll call the fuckin' shots an' make ya into even less of a man than ya already are!"

"...I highly doubt that, Chief. You must speak your mind, yes, but be courteous. You will do her no favors by speaking ill towards her while trying to let her down gently. A broken heart will only exacerbate your situation rather than ease your worries. After all, you do not want her to end up hating you, correct?"

"'Ey, if she hates ya fer who ya are, she's a bitch."

"Chief!"

"What? It's fuckin' true an' ya know it! She'll walk all over ya in a fuckin' heartbeat, Spike! Nip this shit in the bud 'fore ya start hatin' yerself fer not havin' a goddamn spine! Spike, do ya want to marry Tifa?"

"What? No!" the other blonde said as he shook his head.

"Then tell her that she ain't yer type an' that ya want none of what she's offerin'!"

"You have to talk to her, Cloud; obviously not in the same manner that the Captain would recommend, of course. You need to set the boundaries of your friendship with her on your own terms." The gunner nodded slightly at the swordsman's understanding nod while the pilot rolled his eyes.

"Pussies."

"Now, Chief," the gunner said with a devious smirk as he eyed the blonde pilot that remained sitting on the cold floor. "My question is a simple one... What is your biggest fear in life?"

"...Yer a mean som'bitch, ya know that, Val?" the pilot huffed before looking as though he was pouting. "Fuck... Biggest fear, huh?" The gunner hummed, making the blonde pilot roll his eyes. "What 'm 'bout to tell ya doesn't leave this goddamn cave, ya'll got that?" At the nods, the older blonde grumbled. "Rust. Don't ya fuckin' laugh, Spike! "

"Rust," the brunette ex-Turk muttered as he raised an eyebrow. "While I have an idea as to why, I would rather hear you explain this one, Chief."

"I build things out of metal, so rust is seen on really old an' neglected objects, right? Well, rust can also kill a bunch of dreams in one fell swoop. Made damn sure every day that none of my babies got rusty. Gettin' rusty means death. Ya don't want to get rusty with yer shootin' skill or fightin' skills, I don't want to get rusty when it comes to my designs. When things get rusty, people die. Whether old or metaphorical friends, everythin' gets rusty an' falls to pieces. I ain't lettin' that happen while I still draw breath. I can be seventy-fuckin'-two an' I'm still goin' out in the rain an' making sure nothin' gets rusty!"

"I see," the gunner said with a nod, figuring out that the pilot was not only talking about his mechanics but also the welfare of himself and those that were around him. He smiled slightly at the thought. The Chief was willing to make sure that no one died while he was around and that no one forgot what they were doing and what needed to be done. It was quite endearing, really.

"...I think that's sweet," Cloud said with a slight smile. "It's nice to know that you care for everyone, Cid."

"Shut it, Spike," Cid muttered in embarrassment, "not a word of this reaches anyone else or I'm beatin' the fuck out of ya!"

"Of course," the gunner said as Cloud nodded.

"Good. Now, Val, I got a question fer ya..."

"Ask away," the brunette said as he continued to watch the pilot rub his cold legs.

"Ya ever feel anythin' 'sides apathy at the goddamn world? Any anger, sadness, happiness?"

"...Often," the gunner replied. "...Especially before meeting Hojo..."

"An' now?"

"...It is coming back to me more often than it did while I remained in the basement of the ShinRa Manor, yes. I cannot say that I am getting any more used to it that I first was..."

"...Cid," Cloud said as he looked at the pilot, blue eyes being the only part visible in the encroaching darkness. "Have you always been a blonde?"

"Woah, woah, Spike! Are ya, ya of all people, askin' me if my drapes match my fuckin' carpet?"

"...I'm not sure what that means..."

"He wants to know if you are asking him if the hair on his head is the same color as the hair around his penis," Vincnt clarified in amusement.

"Oh... Yes."

"Fuck ya, Spike!"

"...Is that a yes or a no?"

Thanks for reviewing:

**Aeriths-Rain**: Heh, indeed!

**EvilValenStrife**: Ha; look how's still alive! What's been going on, babe? Aww, thanks! Naturally; if it's ridiculous, look for Cid!

**Inuobsessed004**: Ha, probably!

**no name (seriously, you left no name and I can't leave it blank)**: Ha! Sorry? As he probably is!

**mizperceived**: Ha! Perhaps... Cid needs to check for that!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, and you want Vincent to volunteer? Indeed!

**Sir Shirkin**: Ha!


	7. Chapter 7

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"I've always been, and always will be, a fuckin' blonde, ya dipshit!" the pilot snapped before jumping to his feet and unbuckling his belt in the dim light.<p>

"...Is he going to hit me with his belt?" Cloud asked Vincent, who kept his eyes on the blonde pilot in amusement as he spoke to the other blonde.

"I do believe he is going to prove that he is an actual blonde," the brunette said as he smirked before his tall cowl of his cloak, eyes eagerly raking over the sight as the pilot pulled down his pants and boxers to let them both see his soft cock and the curled hair that lined the base of his cock and trailed up to his navel. Even in the dim light, the gunner could easily make out that the shade of blonde that was on his head matched the shade of the blonde curls that he kept tucked into his pants. He could also make out the words of the pilot's tattoo with ease and could see some of the letters that were marking his inner thigh. Huffing, the blonde pulled up and fastened his pants before sitting back down and curling his arms around his waist.

"There! Are ya fuckin' happy?" he snapped before dipping a hand between his legs to rub at his crotch. "Damn near got frostbite on my balls!"

"No," the gunner chimed in playfully.

"No? The fuck do ya mean "no?""

"How would we know that you do not dye your pubic hair when you dye your hair? It would be a very simple thing to fake," the brunette teased, unable to keep from chuckling when the blonde swordsman nodded.

"I agree with Vincent; you'll have to do better than that to convince us!"

"An' how the fuck am I supposed to do that?" the pilot snapped in irritation.

"You can remove your pubic hair and let it grow back naturally, of course," Vincent said as though it were obvious, knowing full well that the pilot was telling the truth when he proved that his hair color was natural. It was amusing, though, to see just how far he could push the blonde in his endeavor to prove that he was telling the truth. "I am sure that we can either wax or shave it off once we reach the next town. Every day after that, you will prove to use that you have not purchased any dye and you shall reveal yourself to use to prove that the aforementioned hair has not been dyed and is indeed your true color. Do you agree to these terms?"

Oh, Vincent was fucking with him now, Cid though as he sneered. But, he wanted to know more about the somber man that seemed to believe that he did not have blonde hair and turning him down would cause them both to think that he was lying and the game would be over, leaving him with no more chances to hear about the gunner from his own lips. "Ya bet yer pasty ass; I fuckin' agree!"

"...Huh, I thought that he would have said "no,"" Cloud said as he shrugged his shoulders. "Your turn, Vincent."

Nodding, the gunner smirked behind the tall cowl of his cloak. "A man with nothing to hide often agrees to bare all, Cloud," he said, unable to take his eyes off of the blonde man that was still rubbing his crotch.

"Blah, blah, blah!" Cid snapped, glaring at the brunette that was idly staring at him. "Ya going to ask a question or not?"

"Chief," the brunette started, trying not to laugh as he watched the shivering and irritated man closely. "Have you ever masturbated and been caught or masturbated with someone else in the room watching you?"

"Wh-what? Ya want to run that one by me again?" Cid questioned, blue eyes widening and hand stopping as he tilted his head up to look at the brunette man. After all, there was no way he heard that correctly. Sure, they were all teasing him about whether or not he was gay, Vincent more so than Cloud, definitely. But this, this was a whole different situation. After seeing him naked, well partially naked, the guy turns around and asks him about his masturbation? Hell, why not ask him about whether or not he jerks himself off fast or slow? Goddamn that was going to be an awkward one to answer!

"You are a man and all men have masturbated in their lifetime," the gunner said as though he found nothing wrong with what he was saying. Surely there was something deeply wrong with the guy; fuck, he was not asking Cloud any deeply intimate questions about his sex life! "And I want to know whether or not you have ever been walked in while you were touching yourself or whether or not you have touched yourself with another person in the room who was watching you touch yourself." All right, that had to be one of the most awkward questions that he was asked so far. Hell, he agreed to prove that he was a natural blonde by having his teammates not only shave his pubic hair off, but to have him pull down his fucking pants in front of them every day so they could examine his goddamn hair every day to make sure that he was not trying to pull the wool over their eyes!

"...A couple of times, yeah," the blonde replied, unable to stop the crimson flush that covered his face. " First time I even decided to give it a shot, one of my sisters' friends walked into the goddamn room and squealed like a stuck pig when she saw it. Don't know what the fuck she was doing waltzin' into my room for; woman was damn near her thirties at the time! Anyway, she then winked at me and wondered if I wanted any help. Damn near swore off masturbation fer good until I got my own place an' founded Rocket Town. Built me a nice house an' every once in a damn while I got time to myself I go fer it. Should fuckin' know better 'cause the very second my hand touches my dick someone bursts into the fuckin' room an' interrupts! Last few times were Shera. God if that didn't make the next fuckin' mornin' awkward as fuck all!" Turning to look away from the brunette that was still staring down at him from the tall cloak of his odd getup, the blonde pilot focused on the snow that was still heavily coming down and dusting the front opening to the cave that they were seated in. "So, Val, what's the kinkiest shit ya ever done in bed?"

"Nothing," the gunner replied with a shrug of his shoulders. He had to be fucking kidding.

"The fuck do ya mean "nothin'?" Ya have to do more than just plain fuckin'!"

"No."

"Really?" Cloud chimed in, suddenly interested in Vincent's sex life and still blushing from Cid's stories. "Not even a little bit?"

"If my choice of clothing did not clue you both in," the gunner said calmly even though he was amused, "I am a rather conservative man."

"No shit," Cid grumbled. Damn, now he had to think of a whole new question before the ex-Turk could come back swinging with something a lot harder than that.

"Now, Cloud," Vincent said as he turned his attention away from the blonde and towards the blonde man that was sitting to his right. "Have you ever tried to seduce anyone?"

"What?" the blonde asked innocently, glowing blue eyes blinking up at the brunette. "Can men even do that? I thought only women could!"

God, that was pathetic, Cid thought as he burst out laughing while Vincent tried to explain how a man could try to seduce another man or woman, the techniques solely depending on whether or not said man that was doing the seducing would be fucking the other person or would be the one getting fucked. It was an odd thing to listen to, but, then again, they were odd people that he was traveling with.

"Hey, Val," Cid called out with a sneaky grin across his face.

"...It's Vincent, and yes?" the gunner replied.

"Out of everyone in the group, would ya fuck the first?" the pilot asked with a smug grin. That would be the question to trip up the dark man. Hell, if he was going to press into his personal life with some of the most embarrassing questions that Cid had ever had to answer, than he was going to get the same kind of shit thrown his way.

"Oh...wow," Cloud said with a slight grin as he looked at the brunette who had gone silent. Oh, yeah. That shut the sneaky fucker up right and proper. "Do you mean just the women or are the men included as well?"

"Everyone, of course," Cid answered the other blonde before giving the ex-Turk some silence to think it through. "Want to walk us through the thoughts that are runnin' 'round in yer head?"

"No," the gunner said before the cave fell into an awkward silence, leaving the two blondes to speculate one whom the gunner would pick out of their small group.

"I bet he'll pick Yuffie," Cloud commented.

"Are ya out of yer fuckin' mind?" Cid gaped. "She's a fuckin' leech! The second he chooses to go with her, she'll cling to him and suck the very life out of him! Hell, fer all we know he'll pick Aeris! Pink's fuckin' close to red!"

"Aeris is dead! We would he was to sleep with her?"

"'Cause she's dead! No life means no after-sex talkin'!"

"...That's creepy."

"Oh, an' him bangin' the ninja-brat ain't? Fucker might decide ta go in a whole different direction an' choose that robotic fur ball or the red fur ball! Shit, he might go fer Barret; both are tall as fuck all an' got some sort of attachment to guns."

"He might choose you."

"Ha! Ya got a better chance of him pick ya, ya giant fairy!"

"...My money's still in Yuffie."

"Ya want to make that a bet, kid?"

"...Sure."

"Fifty gil says that the vampire over there chooses Aeris."

"Fifty gil says Vincent chooses Yuffie."

"Deal!" the both said at the same time before reaching over and shaking hands.

"You are both wrong," the gunner spoke up as he watched both of the blonde-haired and blue-eyed men shake hands. "I would choose neither a dead woman nor a spastic one. I would be far more inclined to sleep with the Captain than anyone else in the group."

"No fuckin' way!"

"Really? Why?" Cloud asked as he grinned.

"The fuck does this mean fer our bet?"

"...It means you both forfeit your money to me," the gunner said with a smirk before turning to answer Cloud's question.

Review for more.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Sir Shirkin**: That he does! Heh, it amused me, too.

**mizperceived**: Heh, most likely!

**JiLLiBeanz**: Aww, thanks!

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, that he is!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Well, he's like a loaf of bread; crusty on the outside, but fluffy and warm on the inside.

**omgitskirby**: Here you go.

**Gargoyle Among the Angels**: Sorry; luckily you caught that! Yeah, I tend to type short chapters even though I aim for two-thousand words.

**EvilValenStrife**: Absolutely nothing; I have no life. Thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Ya fuckin' suck," Cid hissed as he fished out the right amount of gil, wadded it up in a ball and chucked it at the brunette while Cloud handed over some gil to Vincent. The gunner unfolded all of the money and counted it before neatly folding it and tucking it away.<p>

"My reasons for choosing the Captain is very simple," the gunner said in response to Cloud's question as to why he had chosen the pilot over anyone else in the group. "After my past encounters with those of the female persuasion, I doubt I would ever be fully open around a women again. That knocks Miss Lockheart, Miss Kisaragi, and Miss Gainsborough out of my choices. I also would not sleep with a robotic moogle or an animal; that leaves Barret and the both of you. Personally, I do not find Barret that appealing, not to mention his wisecracks about my need for feasting on living flesh and drinking the blood of virgins is very unflattering. When left with the option between the both of you, it is an easy choice for me to make as you are obviously enamored with Sephiroth. Even if you were not smitten with him, I do not find myself drawn to you. No offense is intended, Cloud, but you are not the kind of man that I can see myself in a relationship with, no matter how short."

"So I'm fuckin' the winner by process of elimination?" the blonde pilot snapped. It was not as though he wanted to be with the leather-clad gunslinger. No, he did not want to be chosen by Vincent; no way in hell. He just wanted to be wanted by the gunner. ...In a non-gay way. Not that anything would have been wrong with the pasty fucker if he was gay, which he was certain he was not. But, it would have been nice to have been asked to the rodeo, not simply having been the last one left to be chosen. Not that he wanted to ride the fucking bull, or anything of that nature. ...Wait, where the fuck was he going with this?

Chuckling softly, the glowing red eyes of the gunner pierced through the dark cave and locked onto the blue orbs. "Now, Chief, I do not believe that it is your turn to ask a question. But, seeing as how you are so eager to talk, I have a question for you," the brunette's deep vice said, making the pilot curse himself softly. "Have you ever done anything permanently lewd?"

What the fuck kind of question was that? Sure, he did plenty of lewd things during his days...but what the fuck made them permanent? They were things that the other person surely would never forget and he knew that he sure as hell would not forget it.

"Pornography, Chief," the brunette clarified and by God, if the pilot did not blush darkly at that. The fucker was asking him if he was ever in a skin-flick! Son of a bitch! This was fucking revenge for the fucking questions, he was sure of it. Oh, so the man was going for his balls, huh? Cid Highwind was a man of many things but he sure as fuck would not take this lying down! He just had to strike back with even worse questions for the brunette to answer; something that embarrassed him far more than the nitty-gritty details of his dark past.

"...I fuckin' hate ya, Val," Cid spat as he glared over at the amused man. It was like he fucking knew the answers before asking anyone a question; the son of a bitch knew all of the fucking right spots to press to make him feel slightly self-conscious when answering the questions.

"Duly noted," the brunette replied smugly.

"Fucking once..." he grumbled, ignoring how Cloud's blue eyes grew wide. "It wasn't a fuckin' video or nothin' like that!" the pilot snapped as he glared at the silent men that stared at him. "Good friend of mine, rest his evil, fuckin' soul, thought that we could make good money snappin' pictures of me in the shower. When I found out he sent them fuckers 'round an' got them posted in some big art fair, I set to snappin' nose an' arm."

"So," the gunner pressed on, lips curled into a smirk behind his cloak, "many people have seen pictures of a younger version of yourself in the shower?"

"'Ey, keep yer vampire in yer coffin, Val!" the pilot huffed. "I had the pictures taken out of the fuckin' display an' got them locked up back at my place. No one's seen 'em in a long fuckin' time an' no one's going to, either!"

"...And how old were you at the time of this little...escapade?"

"...Fuckin' jailbait; that's all the fuck ya need to know," Cid grumbled, certain that if there were more light, both of his companions would easily be able to see the red shade that his ears had turned. Not bothering to look up, as he could feel the eyes that stared at him, the blonde pilot flipped off his friends. "How do ya like yer coffee 'r tea?"

Sure, to someone who did not read between the lines as much as Cid, it might have seemed like a simple question that made no sense; to the pilot, however, it meant much more. The way that a man takes his coffee or tea in the morning was closely related to how a man likes his women; rich, bitter, saccharine, watered down, dark, light, spicy, exotic... The list went on and on. Once the brunette answered, he would have a glimpse into what the man liked in his partners, which could, in turn, clue him into what his past relationships were like and why, exactly, he was hanging around with a group of armed fruit loops.

"Very simple," the gunner replied as he smirked widely. "I like my coffee pure...and a little on the slow side."

A little on the- Son of a bitch! He knew why he was being asked that question, goddammit!

"...You can get slow coffee?" Cloud asked in confusion. "...Does that mean there's a fast coffee out there?"

"Nah, he's fuckin' messin' with me now," the pilot said as he waved his hand at the blonde leader of Avalanche.

"Not entirely," the gunner replied, eyes shining with amusement, "I just happened to figure out the reason behind your oddly placed question faster than you anticipated. Now, Chief, my question for you is a very simple one. Do you believe in soul mates?"

Oh, fuck...

Review for more. Sorry for the short update; the next one gets a bit more graphic (in the man-on-man department), I promise!

Thanks for reviewing:

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, then it's a good thing I have none; leaves me with plenty of time to plan new stories to add to my profile. Thank you! Figured it was a good way to end the chapter!

**Inuobsessed004**: Well, neither does Cid so all's good!

**omgitskirby**: Aww! Ya'll make my day!

**Pale Meadow in the Moonlight**: Well, Cid's nothing short of shameless! Heh, he was young and in a suit, though! ...Thirty years in a coffin has brought out his kinky side, no? Aww, thanks! Glad to make you laugh!

**mizperceived**: Ha! Is there a bad way? Heh, and such a nice pun it is!

**Aeriths-Rain**: Heh, well Vincent needs to be amused somehow!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, well, Cloud just used up his question asking Vincent that very thing! Heh, I get so many requests to do that. Who knows, when I finally get a new computer, I just might!


	9. Chapter 9

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>"Soul mates," Cid repeated slowly. Son of a bitch! If he did not pick the trickiest fucking questions to ask, no one did. Hell, he sure as fuck was not giving Cloud the fucking third degree! Huffing at the unfairness of the game that he created, the blonde mulled over the thought. Soul mates, huh? That was kind of like believing in destiny; that there was one person out of the whole fucking world that was meant to be with you. One person, out of millions of fuckers, was supposed to be your other half and not only tolerate your shortcomings, but actually like them. Now, he was not a numbers man, nor a betting man, but he was more than willing to bet his left testicle that the odds of finding his fucking soul mate in Midgar, let alone in the whole world, was pretty damn slim! But, it sure was a nice thought... Soul mates. Imagine that, having the faith that there was someone out there that was perfect for you...<p>

"Can't say that I do," Cid said as he shrugged his shoulders, watching as Cloud yawned. "Would be fuckin' cool if there were someone out there fer everyone, but I got doubts that there actually is."

"...It's getting late," Cloud commented. "We should get some rest before heading out in the morning. Who wants to take first watch?"

"I shall," Vincent offered before nodding at his blonde companions. "Get some sleep. I will wake Highwind next." The pilot rolled his eyes as Cloud nodded, sifting through their possessions and pulling out a thin sleeping bag for himself and one for the leader of their group. Keeping fully clothed and grabbing Vincent's blanket as well as his own, Cid curled up under the blankets and stared out at the falling snow until his vision began to blend and he fell asleep.

Shifting in his sleep, Cid could not help but grin at the feeling of warm hands roaming over his chest. He squirmed slightly as he leaned up into the touch, mind blank with sleep as his tongue darted out to lick his parched lips. His body finally felt warm as the hands ran up his chest, hot breath washing over his neck and making his morning erection throb. Mm, fuck the end of the world; this was as good as it gets. He murmured softly as he felt soft lips pressing against his throat, slowly lavishing his neck with gentle kisses. Slipping an arm out from under the covers, the pilot wrapped his arm around the next of the figure in his deep, pulling her closer and jerking awake when a male grunted.

Wait... Male? Why would he be dreaming about some guy kissing him?

"...Chief...wake up..." a deep voice called out as hot breath wafted against his lips, drawing the blonde man close to consciousness. Now, why would someone be calling him "Chief?" Only one person did that... Slowly opening his eyes, the pilot jerked awake when he came face-to-face with Vincent. "...It is your shift," the brunette muttered before moving away from the pilot, looking slightly embarrassed in the darkness. Well, fuck; he would be embarrassed, too! Hell, he grabbed the man in his sleep and pulled him closer! Thankfully, the pilot thought to himself as he climbed out the makeshift bedroll, the lanky fucker would not say anything about this to anyone else.

Ignoring the hot sensation in his ears, knowing that they were flush with awkwardness, Cid wave his hand dismissively at Vincent, a signal that they both used to tell the other one to go to sleep after their shift. Luckily, the brunette took the hint before slipping under the covers of the sleeping bag that Cid had just vacated from. Sitting by the frozen wall, the pilot yawned as he stared out at the falling snow, arms wrapped tightly around his body as he curled up to keep warm. Watching the snow fall only brought up thoughts of sitting in his small house on his bed, looking out the window and drinking a nice cup of spiked tea in the winter months. Now...well, now he was traveling with the biggest group of freaks he ever saw. ...And he still knew nothing about Vincent! Goddammit.

The fucker was like a fucking book with all of the damn pages glued together. He could only guess as to what was written on the pages. Hell, all he could guess was that something tragic had to have happened to the fucker with some poor chick that he fell for. Maybe she tore his heart out and stomped on it? But that could not turn a man into sure a sheltered fuck...could it? Hell, he's had his share of heartbreaks in his day; nothing made him dress in all leather and hide so much that people could only see half of his fucking face!

The man was a fucking mystery, Cid concluded as he rubbed his hands over the thick fabric of his pants. Cloud, on the other hand, was a fucking child's book; huge font and colorful pictures all full of rainbows and clueless innocence. Shit, did the kid even know where babies came from? It would not surprise him if he did not. The fucker was as clueless as they came. Hell, he would not be surprised if cotton candy was stuffed between the bastard's ears instead of brains; it sure would explain a lot.

Mulling over these thoughts, the pilot turned to look at his sleeping companions, at least, he believed that Vincent had fallen asleep by now. And to think, these little fuckheads tried to steal his plane and get away with it. He would have to remember where he parked the Tiny Bronco once they make it through the goddamn snow and confront the psychotic shit for killing Aeris. For some reason, he thought that it would have been harder than this; they had the fucker trapped and those ShinRa fuckers were trying to get there first to get to Sephiroth. They could avenge the death of their flower girl, have the bonehead call off Meteor, and he could be back to working on his planes and rocket within a matter of fucking weeks!

But...what would happen to the rest of the group? He knew that Tifa was going with Barret back to Midgar; something about a kid and a bar. The flaming fur ball said that he would return to Cosmo Canyon and the crown-wearing, screeching fur ball mentioned something about ShinRa and Midgar. The brat would go back to that hellhole of an island town. Spike, well that kid needed a psych ward long before the battle with Sephiroth and after watching him pummel the flower girl in a fucking crazed stupor only confirmed that thought. Vincent, however... Well, where the fuck would Vincent go? Barret kept on rambling about some coffin in a basement not too far from Rocket Town. Now, he could be considered a bit of a sullen wallflower but it did not seem like the lanky motherfucker was willing to return to such a place.

Would he want to search the planet? Find whatever the fuck he needed to enjoy life? Hell, the man was particularly bitchy after they found that cave with the crystallized chick in it. He only ever mentioned some "beautiful woman" that he fell in love with who knows how many years ago. That could not have been the same woman, right? Either way, the sneaky shit needed to get laid and that would be the first thing that he would make sure would happen once they, as Barret liked to put it, "saved the planet." Utter bullshit, when he thought about it. They were not goddamn heroes that were doing this for the sake of saving the world or some other cracked explanation. Everyone of Avalanche were doing it for their own selfish reasons.

Tifa was doing it for her hometown and family, Cloud for his twisted memories, the brat for materia... But Vincent; Cid had yet to figure out the gunner's reason for wanting to kill Sephiroth. The rest of the fucking group was mum on his reasons yet vocal about their own. Hell, Cid's reason was obvious as hell; ShinRa fucked him over not once, but twice and was going for a third time when these shitheads tried to beat them to the punch. He wanted revenge, wanted to fuck those pompous bastards over by offing their golden boy. They were all after ShinRa for one reason or another. The mysterious gunner never gave him any clues as to why he was willing to kill the silver-haired general, though.

That fucker was creating more and more questions than he could possibly get the answers to...

Hell, he just hoped that he could get the man to trust him and open up around him. He was not going to fucking bite him, that was for sure! He answered all of the bastards sneaky questions and let him dig around in his goddamn closet, dragging out the mangled corpses that he left buried under the floorboards without a goddamn fight so was it to much to ask that the lonesome motherfucker toss out a few goddamn skeletons of his own? Cid thought it was not, but Vincent apparently thought otherwise; he was keeping his secrets under fucking lock and key.

What the fuck was he going to have to do? Suck the vampire's dick to get him to open up? That was not a fucking option!

He was willing to having his fucking pubic hair shaved off; if the fuckers came at him with wax, Cid was going to kick him in his balls. He was willing to tell them his views, his sordid past, his ideas on marriage... But to no avail. Vincent still clammed the fuck up and answered questions as quickly as he could. He would have to break out the big guns. Something that he's never told anyone before... Something drastic... Something that could change everything... But what?

He jumped from his huddled position when he felt heavy fabric drop down around his shoulders. Jerking his head over, the blonde looked up at the gunner who was watching him with calm, red eyes. Hell, he was so fucking wrapped up in his thoughts that he did not even here his clanking boots when he walked over! "...You need to stay warm if you are going to make it through the snow," the brunette said easily before securing the blankets around the blonde, leaning down enough to give the blonde a peek down his cloak.

"An' ya need to sleep," Cid countered, not missing the slight curl of the brunette's lips. Huh, would you look at that! The vampire had a sense of humor.

"I do not need much sleep after being in a coffin for thirty years," the brunette teased before sitting down beside the huddled pilot, making sure that the blankets were wrapped tightly around the un-genetically enhanced man. "...Do you know what I truly miss after being locked away for so long?"

"Sunlight? Cheeseburgers? Bacon? Booze? Showers?" the blonde teased back as he grinned. He was swimming in uncharted waters, unknowing if there were any sharks lurking below the surface just waiting to gobble him whole.

"...Cute," the brunette said dryly as he kept his eyes on the bright blue orbs beside him. "...I miss having someone to talk to."

"...I was going to say pussy," the blonde said before slipping a hand out from under the blanket and clapping the gunner on the shoulder. "Well, ya got plenty of people to talk to, right? We're traveling with a whole fuckin' circus full of freak show attractions."

"...I am more of an ass-man," the ex-Turk murmured slyly before chuckling. "True, but there is only one person I find myself truly connecting with..."

"Tifa?"

"...Never."

"The brat?"

"...I would rather gargle holy water..."

"Heh, ya keep talkin' like that an' yer going to make people believe that you truly are a vampire, Val."

"...Vincent."

"Val."

"Seriously," the gunner said as he leaned closer. "...Call me Vincent. ...And you never know," the brunette paused, his dark eyes seeming to sparkle in the lack of light. "I might be a vampire..."

"Yer a fuckin' barrel of laughs, Val."

"...Vincent."

"Val."

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Thanks for reviewing:

**mizperceived**: Aww, thanks! He's a creative thinker! Ha! Less talking, then! True...

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, of course!

**Aeriths-Rain**: Heh, well, he was a Turk!

**Teeties**: That he does!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Naturally!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, indeed! Thanks! I know the feeling, I often get sidetracked...


	10. Chapter 10

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Vincent," the brunette murmured softly as he leaned closer, lips brushing softly against the blonde's before he pulled back and looked away, eyes narrowing as he rose to his feet. Well, that was fucking odd, Cid thought as he watched the brunette pace slightly. The fucker was about to kiss him, not that he wanted it or anything, but the lanky fuck sure had soft lips from what he could tell. Not that he had anything against queers...err..gays... Not that the leather wearing, trigger happy weirdo was a gay...was gay! He was not gay! There. Vincent was not gay and he was not gay! It was just...uhh... Wait, what the hell was it?<p>

Cid was startled out of his thoughts when he heard Vincent pulling back the safety on his gun. Was the pasty fucker going to shoot him after he tried to kiss him? What the fuck happened to romance and being wooed? Not that he wanted to be wooed! No, Cid Highwind was a man that liked women! Likes women! Present tense! Goddamn! ...Well, not as of late. Not that he was gay, though! Shera was just grating on his nerves!

"Grab your spear," the gunner said, voice sounding sharp and Cid was unable to tell if he was embarrassed from the almost-kiss. This thought was quickly shot down when he heard a loud growl echo through the cave. Scrambling up, the blonde grabbed his spear before running over and kicking Cloud in the thigh.

"'Ey! Rise an' shine, Spike!" he snapped while tried to pack away the sleeping bag and blankets.

"Is it my shift?" the swordsman asked sleepily as he rubbed his eyes, yawning softly.

"No; we have been spotted," the sullen gunner commented as he stepped beside Cid, firing a shot that made the blonde jump slightly. You would think what with all of the time that they had been traveling together he would be used to the loud crack of gunfire by his ear! Granted, they usually stood a few feet apart with Cloud standing in between them both...

Feeling metal pricking through the thick denim of his jacket, the pilot looked to the side to see the shiny pig-stickers that made up the brunette's left hand. "Faster, Chief," the gunner remarked as his red eyes looked down to meet the bright blue eyes of the blonde. Grunting, the pilot packed the sleeping materials up before slinging the bags over his back and looking at Cloud, who was glaring into the heavy snow.

"Ready?" the leader asked as his glowing eyes flicked back to the pilot and ex-Turk of the group, nodding when they both nodded at him. Cid could not help but roll his eyes when Cloud darted out in the snow. Was it so fucking hard to get the psychotic General to appear by a fucking beach instead of one of the coldest places on the planet? Sure, Vincent would probably fry like a chicken in a skillet, but it would be nice and toasty! He hurried after the other blonde with the brunette following after him, his legs protesting at the sudden shift from cozy to cold. Drudging through the snow, the small group of men kept their attention split between where they were walking and any creatures that might try to sneak up on them. The pilot pulled his goggles down over his eyes as they walked, trying to keep his vision clear while the snow crunched audibly with every step that they made.

Grinding his teeth to help keep them from chattering as the frigid air crept through his clothes and tried to burrow into his bones, the blonde paused slightly when they walked. That crunch did not sound like snow. Suddenly stopping, the blonde crouched down before digging his gloves hands into the snow, the crystallized water clung to the soft fabric of his brown leather as he tried to make it to the ground. He noticed a section of black appear in the peripherals of his vision, paying it no mind as he continued to dig deeper into the snow until he came upon a glassy surface. Narrowing his eyes, the blonde peered at the surface.

"Is everything okay?" Cloud asked as he peered back at the pilot and brunette.

"...It appears as though Highwind has become enamored with the ground?" the gunner offered as a possible explanation.

"We're on fuckin' ice!" Cid snapped as he rose to his feet.

"...Is that a bad thing?" Cloud questioned, blinking almost innocently at the pilot.

"Is that a bad- Kid, I will brain ya," the pilot said as Vincent watched the interaction with amused eyes. "We're walkin' on a fuckin' tickin' time bomb, is what it means! Shit, any sudden movements an' we might as well become ice cubes!"

"...Then we won't move suddenly," the other blonde said with a shrug of his shoulders. Oh, if only it were that simple, Cid thought as he tried to quell the urge to punch the blonde in the mouth. Move slowly; yeah, novel idea! The idiot. Grumbling as they walked slowly, the pilot kept his eyes on the snow ahead of them, wondering whether or not they had lost the creatures that had spotted them in the cave earlier.

"...Still cold?" a deep voice rumbled from behind him, startling the pilot and nearly making him bite his tongue off. As he rubbed his bitten tongue against the roof of his mouth in a futile attempt to ease the throbbing pain, Cid turned to look at the gunner. Fucking bastard looked warm under all of that leather and red fabric. ...The smug ass. He knew he was just being unfair, but it was his mind, goddammit, and he could feel however the fuck he wanted. "...I am taking your silence as a yes."

"'A course I'm fuckin' cold!" Cid snapped, grateful that his teeth did not chatter loudly or that his tongue twisted over the words and made his sound like a downright fool. "We're walkin' through the snow in a goddamn snow storm!"

"Then let's take your mind off of it," the gunner remarked, voice sounding exactly how the pilot would picture a cat would sound if it had cornered a mouse and wanted to reassure it that it was not going to find itself inside of the feline's stomach in a matter of seconds. ...Well, if cats could speak. He sounded devious...evil, even. A shiver ran up his spine and he was not completely sure if it was solely because of the arctic conditions.

"Yeah, an' how do ya propose doin' that?"

"...What is your favorite color?"

"Yellow," the pilot replied.

"Really? I would have thought that it was blue," the gunner commented with a soft hum.

"...I would have thought pink," Cloud chimed in as he lead them through the snow.

"Do explain, Cloud," the gunner said in amusement, keeping his eyes on the fuming blonde that was debating whether or not it would be a good idea to haul off and knock the swordsman flat on his ass in the snow.

"Yeah, ya pansy," Cid snapped as he glared at his fellow blonde. "Mind sharin' yer infinite wisdom on that color choice, ya flamin' fruit!"

"...You liked it enough to pain an entire plane a baby pink," the blonde said with a shrug.

"That wasn't fuckin' baby pink!"

"...Magenta?"

"...No, magenta appears to have more of a purple tone to it," the gunner alleged.

"...Hot pink, then?"

"...Hmm...I could see how that would match the shade of bright pink..."

"Are ya'll seriously debatin' 'bout what fuckin' shade of pink my Tiny Bronco was painted?" Cid snapped, glaring at both of him companions.

"It was more of an open discussion than a debate," Vincent replied. "Either way, Cloud does have a point; you painted your pride and joy pink."

"'Ey, I could paint my baby sky-blue with yellow polka dots if I wanted to an' ya wing nuts couldn't say a goddamn thing 'bout it!"

"...We would say many things about it," the brunette teased, "we just would not make you change it."

"...Yer a goddamn pain in my ass, Val."

"...Vincent."

"Val!"

"Hey, Cid?" Cloud said, ending their banter. "What was the Flight Program in ShinRa like?"

"Now yer talkin', Spike!" Cid said as he grinned, ignoring the snow that was settling on top of his blonde hair as he walked with his cohorts. "Was the worst fuckin' two years of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful fer the chance to show those fuckin' idjits a thing or two 'bout mechanics an' flyin'; fuckers didn't even know about basic mechanics! Climbed up the ranks quickly an' pissed a bunch of hardheads at the top off. They wanted me to suffer fer a few decades before becomin' a well-known pilot. Luckily fer me, Lady Luck was on my side an' one of them dipshits had a heart attack, bless his money-grabbin', lard-eatin', overweight heart. Jumped up the ranks even faster and started the Space Program. Then, as ya known, the shit hit the fan 'cause of Sher' an' all of my dreams went crashin' to the ground an' one fell swoop. Still waitin' fer the day when the Number Twenty-Six comes crashin' down on my head; kind of poetic, don't ya think?"

"...Kind of dark," Cloud said with a slight nod.

"Well," Vincent said as his eerie eyes continued to watch the pilot. "If we do not succeed in defeating Sephiroth, you might not have the opportunity to worry about being crushed under the weight of your dreams, Chief. We would all be one of the first people to die in his quest for the Promised Land."

"Eh, got a point there, Val!"

"...Vincent."

"Ain't callin' ya Vincent."

"...What's wrong with his name?" Cloud asked while hie eyes narrowed at the sight of smoke in the distance. "...Vincent?"

"...I see it," the gunner remarked. "There is a town in not too far from here. Now, answer the question, Chief. What, exactly, is so difficult about my name that you cannot pronounce it?"

"Can't pro- How fuckin' stupid do ya think I am, Val?"

"...Don't answer that; it's a trap," Cloud muttered, making the gunner chuckle deeply. "Women ask those kinds of questions all the time. Just smile and nod."

"Are ya fuckin' callin' me a woman, Spike?" Cid growled darkly. "I'll kick yer ass!"

"Focus, Chief," Vincent cut in. "What do you find so difficult about the name "Vincent" that you refuse to say it?"

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Thanks for reviewing:

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks!

**omgitskirby**: Here you go!

**Turai**: Aww, that's good! Of course. Heh, sorry? I went over two-thousand words, I had to stop it.

**Inuobsessed004**: Ha!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, I could not figure out if it was "ass-man" or "ass man." It seems like a bunch of people are laughing at the things I write and are either being stared at or hit. Heh, well, I am alone so I just use my profile to try to keep track of everything.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, Cid's a funny one; he needs to be awake when manhandled before it will sink in!

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, Thank you!

**TerrorThatLurcksInYerBathtub X3**: Heh, it's a recurring theme!


	11. Chapter 11

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>"It ain't fuckin' difficult to pronounce!" the blonde pilot snapped, glaring at the amused gunner. Oh, he was so fucking smug. Like it would be a goddamn miracle to get some little blonde to say his fucking name when referring to the somber motherfucker. He just felt like teasing the pointy-shoe wearing son of a bitch, is all. He knew how to fucking say his name, but that did not mean that he was going to do it just to give the bastard some satisfaction.<p>

Because, honestly, when it came down to it, he was not a fucking "Vincent." That name screamed of posh and proper, of rules and standards, of high-end newspapers and black, plain, bitter coffee that matched his sense of humor. Nah, this guy, this pain in the ass of a guy, was a fucking "Val" and he could fucking deal with it! The man had a twisted sense of humor, sat down and drank his goddamn tea in the morning like a good guy, and was not above giving someone a swift kick in the ass when they needed it. He was the kind of guy that was around when he wanted to go get plastered, not the kind of guy the blonde looked for if he needed help with his taxes. "Yer just "Val." Get fuckin' used to it!"

"Is that so?" the gunner asked, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Care to explain that seeing how that is only a portion of my name, not my given name?"

"Yer a "Val," simple as that," the pilot replied as he tucked his spear under his arm while rubbing his gloved hands together. "Ain't nothing else but a "Val.""

The brunette hummed softly in reply before smirking behind the tall collar of his cloak, "So, it is a nickname like "Chief" is?"

"Sure, what-the-fuck-ever," the blonde snapped. Why the fuck did they always seem to gang up on him? It was not like he was constantly an asshole to Cloud and Vincent. Well, other than his moments when he could be an asshole to everyone; before his morning tea and cigarettes, particularly if he ran out of fags to smoke during the day. "Say, Spike, what is 'bout gay guys that fuckin' gets yer blood pumpin'? 'Cause it can't just be dick; ya got one of those, ya know."

"...Uhh...you're asking why I'm gay?" Cloud asked as he blinked his large, blue eyes at Cid. "Wh-what makes you think I'm gay?"

"One fuckin' word: Sephiroth," the pilot replied with a grin. Seriously, why the fuck was the guy still trying to prove to them that he was straight? A blind man could see that the little weirdo had a thing for the wacked out General. And it sure as fuck was not a small thing, either! The swordsman spend a good amount of time swooning over the silver-haired freak of nature so it was only natural that he was gay for the pasty bastard. Cloud blushed slightly and averted his gaze as he mumbled a reply. "What was that, Spike?" the pilot teased as he grinned. It sure was nice to get revenge for the tirade of questions that were thrown his way. Now, he just had to think of a question that could knock that snarky, smug bastard off of his goddamn pillar...

"Oh..well..." Cloud stammered as he continued to look away. "That... I just... I'm not entirely sure "how" you guys came about to deciding that I am gay-"

"Yer hair," Cid offered.

"Your innate drive to locate Sephiroth no matter what the costs," Vincent added.

"Yer dorky-ass outfit."

"You appear to breathe for the mere sake of running into your former hero again."

"Seriously, look in a fuckin' mirror, kid."

"Everything you seem to do makes Sephiroth appear to be the center of your world."

"Center of his ass is more like it," the pilot countered with a wide grin on his face, enjoying the way that Cloud's face darkened in presumed embarrassment.

"...Thanks, guys," the blonde swordsman said dryly.

"Yer welcome, Spike," Cid said as he gave the leader a thumbs up.

"Back to the topic at hand," the brunette gunslinger said, often glancing in Cid's direction as he spoke to the blonde leader. "What is it about blatantly gay men, i.e. Sephiroth, that seem to catch your attention."

"Is it the leather?" Cid asked with a grin. "'Cause Val there wears more leather than a fuckin mannequin in a bondage fetish boutique."

"...I am more impressed that you knew how to use the word "boutique" than your supposed insult towards my attire," the brunette teased back.

"See? Right there! "Attire." That's a frou-frou, gay-ass word if I ever heard one!"

"...Oh, so now I am the gay one?" Cloud looked between both men as they bickered, both walking forward while keeping their attention on the other man.

"If the shiny, pointy boot fits, Val!"

"You have a far higher chance of being a homosexual than I do, Highwind."

"What? Bullshit! Ya fuckin' kissed me, ya weird-ass vampire!"

"...I know not of what you speak," the gunner said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Besides, I am not a vampire."

"Yer just fuckin' with my head, ain't ya?" the blonde spearman spat, glaring at the brunette who watched him. It had to be the only plausible explanation for his actions. First, he's all fucking cold towards the entire group after they tried to steal his Tiny Bronco. And, little by fucking little, the somber motherfucker begins to open up, actually deciding to join in on the conversations and going to local bars whenever Cid needed a drink. Now, he was finally getting some direct answers from the vampire just to find himself locking lips with the trigger happy, gunpowder sniffing lunatic. And now... Now the bastard was trying to convince him that the entire fucking thing was in his own goddamn head! He had to hand it to Vincent, the man was a devious and cunning bastard if he ever met one. Hell, he could even pass himself off for the Devil with that silver tongue of his!

"And what would my purpose for doing such a thing be?" the brunette asked, eyes alight with mischief as he watched the blonde. "...Highwind, look out."

"Umm, Cid..." Cloud added just before a rough friction collided with the blonde scientists face, knocking him flat on his back in the snow, staring at the vibrating, snow laden branches overhead. Did he just walk into a goddamn tree? Cid thought as he watched the snow fall from the branches and hitting him in the face like a cold, wet slap.

He fucking hated winter.

Hands grabbed at his body through the snow, pulling Cid out of the cold mess and back to his feet, both of his companions looking highly amused. "Shut the fuck up," the pilot grumbled as he wiped the snow off of his body, glaring at the both of them. "Like ya never walked into a goddamn tree before?"

"I can honestly say that I have not done such a thing," Vincent said as his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"I haven't either," Cloud said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Come on, I'm sure we can find an inn around and get some nice hot cocoa to help warm you up."

"I'd rather have some warm booze," the blonde pilot muttered as he followed his teammates into the quiet town, checking the building and walking into one once they found the local inn. Cloud paid for a room while Cid occupied himself by ordering a spike apple cider from the bar. Sitting in front of the lit fireplace, the blonde stretched out his cold and achy limbs with a pleased groan. "It's nice to be inside when it's colder than a witch's tit," the blonde said as the brunette ex-Turk moved to stand beside the fireplace.

"...I truly am not messing with you, Chief," the taller man said suddenly, making the pilot blink in confusion for a moment. Oh, yeah; the fucking kiss.

"So, what the fuck was that all about?" he huffed, narrowing his eyes at the man who just shrugged in return. "No, no fucking shrugs, Val. I want a goddamn answer from ya. Why the fuck did ya kiss me?"

"...That would be a long story, Highwind," he muttered softly in reply, the glowing red eyes staring at the blonde with an intensity that could have scared off mortals. "Follow me." Nodding, the blonde man scrambled to his feet while Vincent walked towards the stairs, plucking the key from the leader's hand as he passed the man.

"Be right back, Spike," Cid offered with a grin as he followed the gunner up the stairs and to a small room. Vincent silently unlocked the door before opening it and waving his arm in a silent gesture to tell the pilot that he was to enter first. Rolling his eyes, the blonde stepped into his room, glad for the warmth from the roaring fire underneath them as he turned on the light and walked towards the bed, letting out an unmanly yelp when he was suddenly pushed forward, landing face-first on the bed in a flailing heap. Rolling onto his back, the pilot glared at the brunette who closed the door.

Oh, so now the motherfucker was is a playful mood, huh? Cid Highwind would not take such an act lying down! Reaching out, the blonde grabbed the pillow at the head of the large bed before suddenly tossing it in Vincent's direction, cursing softly when the demonic man ducked, letting the soft pillow hit the door that he closed behind him. A soft chuckle filled the air as the gothic man reached down with his right hand and picked up the pillow.

"...You know, I could kill you twenty different ways with this," Vincent remarked in amusement.

"And then ya would be fucking stuck with the brat day in and day out," Cid added with a grin, rolling out of the way when the brunette tossed the pillow at him.

Oh, so it was war, now?

Review for more.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Inuobsessed004**: Indeed!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Aww, thanks! I'm trying to keep them around two thousand words. Heh.

**Katt**: (Chapter 2) Ha! I'll take that as a compliment!

**Katt**: (Chapter 10) Heh, I have no idea when this will end (I have not plotted this one; it's just for fun). Ha! Maybe you should be sleeping at that time?

**actrivi**: (Chapter 2) Aww, thanks!

**actrivi**: (Chapter 3) Heh.

**actrivi**: (Chapter 10) Thanks! He's more for you.

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks!

**JiLLiBeanz**: Heh, possibly... Hmm, very good point!

**Anon**: Aww, thanks!


	12. Chapter 12

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>Cid reached for the pillow, grabbing it by a corner as the tall gunner walked closer. Grinning, the blonde sat upright before swinging the fluffy object towards Vincent's face. Crimson eyes widened as the man ducked underneath the path of the swinging pillow before lunging at the blonde man. Grabbing a different pillow, the gunner huffed when he was smacked in the face by the fluffy object. Grinning, the pilot smacked the lanky, tall man upside the head with the pillow, amused with the way that the brunette's hair whipped about while his head snapped to the side. Mischievous red eyes flashed momentarily before the pilot found himself smacked in the face by a pillow. Goddamn man had more strength than he should have!<p>

Scrambling out from underneath the ex-Turk and trying to ignore the hits from the fluffy object across his back and sides, the pilot made it to his knees before getting an uppercut hit by the pillow, the force causing the pilot's body to go off balance, arms flailing as he fell back to the floor. Laughter came from the brunette still on the bed as glowing eyes peered down at him from above a matching red cloak. "Laugh it up!" the blonde huffed before tossing the pillow up and smacking the ex-Turk directly in the face. That would show the bastard! Rolling onto his side, Cid moved to stand up before grabbing the pillow that had landed between the gunner's spread thighs, smacking the man in the face again before diving to the floor when the brunette tried to retaliate.

Crawling on the floor as though he was in training for the army, the blonde grinned when he wound up on the other side of the bed. Peeking up gave him a split second to duck as his eyes saw the fabric of a pillow up close and personal before it collided with his face. Snorting, the blonde jumped to his feet before lunging at Vincent and knocking him flat on his back. Straddling the taller man's thighs, the blonde whacked him in the face with the pillow before letting out an unmanly yelp when he was knocked flat on his back, his pillow slipping from his grasp and falling to the floor.

Chuckling darkly, the brunette eyed the blonde man that lied beneath him before moving closer and craning his body down. Shit, his eyes were fucking hypnotizing... That thought was cut off when the pillow smacked him upside the head, the brunette laughing before moving to lie down next to him.

"Ya fuckin' cheated," Cid accused even though he was grinning.

"...You started it," Vincent said as he turned his head to look at the blonde man who's chest was heaving from the exertion, face, neck, and ears tinged pink. "...Perhaps you should stop smoking, Chief? A little game is taking your breath away."

"An' perhaps ya should wear normal clothes an' brush yer goddamn hair," the blonde teased back before stretching out, his back bowing off of the bed and cracking loudly as he groaned. "I'm just gettin' old is all."

"...I'm far older than you."

"Yeah, an' I'm a monkey's uncle," the blonde snorted before turning his head to look at the man that was staring at him. "Now, ya said ya were going to explain that kiss..." A silence engulfed the room, making Cid roll his eyes. "Come on, ya got no problem kickin' my ass with a goddamn pillow. So, spill, Val."

"...It seemed like the correct timing for such an act," the brunette murmured as he turned his head to stare straight up at the ceiling. The right timing for such a thing? What the fuck did that mean? Was the lanky fucker planning on kissing him for a long time, but the timing never seemed good enough? Hell, they've only known each other for a few months! Traveled the world a bit, killed together, drank together... Surely it was not enough time for the lanky fucker to get so attached to him that he was already looking for chances to kiss him when no one else was around. Nah. That made no sense. As if he could tell that the gears in the pilot's head were turning rapidly in an attempt to figure out the meaning behind his words, the brunette chuckled softly, "I am by no means in love with you, Chief."

"Oh, thank God!" Cid said dryly as he rolled his eyes. Not that he wanted the brunette bastard to be in love with him! Hell, he still technically lived with Shera! It was just... Well, it was hard to explain, he reasoned to himself. Sure, Vincent was a nice man from what he could tell of the weirdo; the man was willing to haul his ass away from the snapping jaws of mortal danger and was more than willing to drag his ass out of a lobby bar and shove him into a cold shower to sober up. Did he like the crazy man? Sure! Did he like-like the crazy man? Nah, he was straight!

Right?

Hell, sometimes the way that the guy just stared right into his eyes made the blonde pilot want to grab him and hold him close. ...In a non-gay way, of course. Because he was straight. Cid Highwind was a fucking straight man!

...Goddammit, he was in a fucking bromance with the vampire.

Chuckling, the brunette turned to look at the blonde, "There is much about you that I do not know, Chief."

"Heh," the blonde chuckled before holding out his hand. "Hello, pot. I'm the fuckin' kettle."

Snorting softly in amusement, the brunette reached out and took his hand, shaking it gently as he spoke, "That would make sense given your attachment to tea." Laughing, Cid watched as the brunette smiled slightly, catching the amusement in his eyes and not the actual smile that was hidden behind the tall cowl of his cloak.

"Say, Val, what are ya going to do when all of this shit is done and over with?"

"...You know, this is the eighth time I have been asked this question," Vincent remarked as though it was the funniest thing in the world. "I honestly have no plans. I assume that it is the eternal pessimist in me that wants to scream out that we might not make it through this. ...But when I look at everyone in this odd group, I cannot help but hope that against all odds we succeed and kill Lucrecia's child."

"Heh, well, guess my optimism's gonna have to work against yer pissy attitude!"

"...Indeed," the brunette said as he watched the grinning blonde. "I must admit, Chief. That out of everyone else in the group, you are the one that I wish to survive the most."

"'Cause I didn't steal yer materia out of yer huge-ass gun or wear a necklace made of garlic in my sleep?" the blonde quipped, mocking his comrades and making the brunette ex-Turk chuckle.

"In part, yes," the gunner admitted before moving closer to the blonde man. "If I tell you this, do you swear to keep it a secret?"

"Are ya going to tell me that ya not only killed a man, but drank his bone marrow an' stashed his body in the brat's house?"

"...No."

"I'm all ears, then!" Cid said as he grinned while trying to quell the nervous fluttering in his stomach.

Review for more. Sorry for the length! I wanted to get this up before the weekend. I'll make up the length with the next update, promise! There will also be a puzzle hidden in the next chapter. See if you can find it!

Thanks for reviewing:

**Aeriths-Rain**: Indeed! They just pop out of nowhere!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, theybuild off of one another. (Also, they were my group during FFVII; Cid, Cloud, Vincent.) Aww, thanks!

**talinsquall**: Aww, it was not meant to be a cliffhanger for lack of replies. I was running out of time and just wanted to post it up quickly.

**Inuobsessed004**: That they are!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, sorry?

**Liekko**: Aww, thanks! Here's more for you!

**JiLLiBeanz**: Heh, and what a lovely fight it was! Thanks! Get some sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>Vincent nodded as he moved even closer to the pilot, bodies nearly touching as he tilted his head down, the fabric of his cloak brushing ever so slightly against the shell of the blonde's making the hair on the nape of the shorter man's neck stand on edge. "You are very familiar to me, Chief," the brunette breathed softly into his ear, crimson eyes watching him for a reaction.<p>

"I would sure as fuck hope so," Cid countered as he snorted, grinning as he turned to face the tall gunner that was lying right next to him. "Would be kind of fuckin' odd if ya ain't got any idea who I am by now, Val. We're travelin' together after all!" Chuckling, the brunette moved before resting his head on the pillow, his eyes continuing to watch the pilot eagerly as he tapped a golden talon against the blonde man's nose, making sure not to cut him with the sharp tip as he spoke softly.

"Not what I meant, Chief," the gunner murmured before pressing his body against the blonde's, his mechanical fingers moving to delicately thread through the blonde locks on top of the pilot's head, making sure not to nick the pilot's scalp or catch a clawed fingertip in the blonde's flight goggles. "I do not mean that you are becoming more familiar to me. I mean that I feel as though I know you from somewhere else."

Cid blinked, tempted to swat away the brunette's hand even though the feeling on warm metal swirling across his scalp was definitely pleasant. "Weren't ya in a fuckin' coffin fer some-odd years?" the pilot asked, throwing a confused look in the brunette's direction. Surely the vampire was fucking with him. There was no way that he could have met the leather-wearing, gun-toting, trigger-happy psychopath before without remembering it! Hell, even a brief glimpse of the weird bastard would have been imprinted in his memory for decades! There was no way that he could have met the gunner; he did not go wandering into Nibelheim in his free time, peeking into hidden staircases and unlocking coffins just for the fun of it!

Entangling a few strands of hair around his fingers, the brunette murmured a soft apology as he worked on freeing his fingers, voice smooth and soft as he spoke. "I was locked away for thirty years, but I do believe that I had run into you while I was a Turk," Vincent replied, slipping his free fingers down to cradle the back of the blonde's head. "It was not often, but Lucrecia and I ventured across the Nibel mountains when the cramped laboratory was getting to her. I once met a blonde woman there; and blondes were not as common as they are now."

"Not that common now, Val" the pilot cut in as he grinned. "Ain't met many blonde's myself; hell, outside of my family, Spike's the first blonde I've seen in a long time."

"That must have been who she was," Vincent continued as he nodded his head. "...Your mother. She had a little child with her at the time; bigger than a newborn, but younger than a toddler. That is where I have seen you."

Well, would you look at that, Cid thought as he grinned. Looks like he had met the lurking fucker when he was a kid. Not that he remembered it, though. Now that got the gears in his head turning. Even as a child, he could still remember things clearly. But no memories of a leather loving man came to mind. Well, other than that time he kicked Sephiroth out of the ShinRa, Inc. hangar for complaining that he was too dirty and taking too long to fix a plane. That would mean that the gunner was not dressed like he stumbled into a gothic wardrobe and proceeded to dress in the dark, grabbing anything he could feel.

"If I remember correctly," the gunner hummed as his human fingers tapped a line down the blonde's chest and stomach. "You were an adorable child." Adorable? Oh, now the lanky bastard was fucking with him.

"Like there are any ugly babies in my family?" Cid huffed in mock offense, grinning widely. "I got all of the good looks in my family. If ya ever run into my sisters, ya'll see, Val. Were born as cute babies but grew into ugly bitches, bless their hearts. Looks like someone stuck pigs in dresses an' slapped 'em 'round with an ugly stick!"

"Looks can be deceiving," the brunette murmured as he hooked his fingers through one of Cid's belt loops, tugging gently as he gripped the heavy material. "Look at myself for instance. Most people believe that I would not only suck their blood straight out of their neck, but would create a family of undead ninja babies with Miss Kisaragi."

Fuck, he sure had a twisted sense of humor when it came to himself, the pilot thought as he laughed. "Got a point there, Val! But, ya got to admit, they'd be cute, thievin' babies! Scrawny, too; ya and the brat might make some normal height, skinny ass children. Ya'll need to put some meat on yer bones."

"Underneath all of this leather, I am quite masculine and muscled, Chief," Vincent said as his eyes seemed to sparkle mischievously, fingers tugging on his belt loop once more. "Now, I do believe that you have an obligation to fulfill... Go to the bathroom, grab a razor, shaving cream, and return here."

Clicking away, his brain made the connection after he blinked at the brunette for a few minutes. Son of a bitch was going to shave him right now? Hell, why did he not want to wait until after they had finished dealing with Sephiroth? Not like there was a great rush to see whether or not his pubic hair would grow back as blonde! Looking into the gleaming red orbs, the pilot rolled his eyes before rolling off of the bed, hitting the floor with a grumble and heading into the bathroom.

"Kooky fucker," Cid mumbled to himself as he walked into the bathroom, checking out the hotel room and pausing at the sight of a straight razor. "Son of a bitch..." Pulling out the shaving cream, the pilot continued to search the room for any chance of coming across a plastic, cheap razor. Finding nothing, the pilot kicked over a small wastebasket in frustration before carrying the items back to the bed, making sure not to stick himself with the sharp edge of the razor. "Hope ya know how ya use a straight razor," the blonde said before beginning to unbuckle his belt.

"Certainly," Vincent replied as he picked up and inspected the blade of the razor, crimson eyes roaming up and down the blade before turning his attention to the blonde and making him fumble as he unfastened his belt. Modesty had nothing to do with his misstep; the blonde was confidant in his body. After all, he had flashed them both earlier to prove that his pubic hair was blonde! It was because of the unnerving way that the gunner eyed him from behind the black curtain of hair that covered the majority of his face. Well, with the exception of the red cloak, of course. Taking a slow breath, the blonde man regained his composure and worked on unbuckling his pants, not bothering to take off the strip of leather before pulling down his zipper. Hooking his fingers underneath the fabric of his pants and boxers, the blonde quickly pulled the garments halfway down his thighs, unable to stop the shiver that ran up his back when the brunette gunner looked over his exposed body.

"I expect ya not to nick or cut anything off, Val," the pilot grumbled even as his eyes turned bright red and goose bumps formed across the skin of his arms. The man was fucking unsettling when he lied there with a straight razor gripped in his hand and his red eyes staring at his crotch. "...Uhh...so... How are we going to do this?"

Darting out, Vincent gripped the blonde by the crotch of his pants, sharp talons digging holes into his boxers and his jeans. Pulling the blonde closer to the edge of the bed, the brunette murmured softly, "Stay still and trust me." Nodding the pilot watched as the gunner moved swiftly so he was lying on his stomach, his cloak fanned out behind him as his face was nearly touching his soft cock. Straight or not, lack of shame or not, the pilot could not help it when the brunette released his grip on Cid's pants and undergarments, curling his metallic fingers around the blonde's cock gently before moving the limp flesh out of the way and examining his balls. Blood pounded in his face as he tried to will his cock from growing hard from the warm grip around his sensitive flesh. Taking slow breaths, the pilot nearly jumped like a spooked cat when the ex-Turk hummed, releasing his cock before tracing the tattoo down the length of his cock, the flat side of the razor tapping against the ink that scrawled down his thigh.

Stopping his ministrations, Vincent hummed as he took the bottle of shaving cream and shook it before dispensing the foam around the pilot's hardening cock. The sudden cold made the blonde jump and let out a hiss while the brunette man chuckled softly at him as he pulled off his leather glove. Pale fingers worked the lather into the soft patch of blonde hair that surrounded the base of pilot's cock and dusted his balls. Trailing his fingers up the trail, the ex-Turk stopped once his reached the blonde man's navel. "Calm yourself," he said before wiping his fingers off on the edge of the bed before picking up the straight razor. "I would rather not remove anything delicate"

Eyes narrowed as the blonde pilot huffed, blue orbs watching as the sexy man with bright eyes brought a razor to his genitals. To women! He was sexy to women, Cid reasoned as he watched the man carefully beginning to remove the hair from his more sensitive of regions, making sure not to move and the man worked delicately. He was a ladies' man, someone that women everywhere would drop their panties for. ...Not that he had not dropped his own panties for the gunner. Under britches! Damn! Underpants, not panties. Goddamn, he was fucking losing it. Every so often, the brunette would flick the blade to the side, splattering pubic hair and shaving cream on the floor as he continued to work.

Not stopping until he was done, Vincent looked over the expanse of tan flesh before his face as he set the razor down on the bed. "I do believe that you are all set," he said as he looked up at the blonde man, sending a shiver up the pilot's spine and making his cock twitch. Nodding, the pilot leaned down before grabbing his pants and boxers, intending to pull them back up and cover his growing arousal when the brunette's hand suddenly gripped his wrist. "Hmm...what is this, Chief?"

Shame was beginning to hit him. Luckily, Cid did not have much care for shame and quickly ignored it. "My dick," the blonde quipped with a grin. "Ya just spend a good half of an hour fuckin' shavin' 'round it." He really hoped that the brunette would drop the subject and let him pull up his pants, ears heated from embarrassment as his body refused to act in accordance with his thoughts. Vincent Valentine was not supposed to be turning him on. Especially not after shaving off all of his pubic hairs and his manliness with it! No, he was merely reacting to the warm touch! That had to be it! Cid Highwind did not get his jollies off because of a pasty fucker that refused to believe that he was a true blonde even though he had seen him as a child! ...Wait a goddamn minute...

Even though he had seen him as a mere child, he still insisted upon shaving his manly patch of blonde hair that few people had ever seen? ...He was fucking played! "You ass!" the blonde sneered before cuffing the brunette on the head. "Ya knew I was a true blonde and still shaved me!"

Laughter filled the air as red eyes sparkled up at him, pale lips curving into a smirk. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to figure that out," Vincent practically purred as he mover the straight razor to the floor before pulling the blonde forward sharply and rolling out of the way as the flailing man fell across the bed. Moving swiftly, the ex-Turk gently smacked the blonde's ass, fingers brushing over the small, red heart that decorated his derriere. "I must say, it is quite amusing to see a blonde's mind in action. You truly do live up to the stereotype; rocket scientist or not."

Easily rolling over, the blonde swallowed when he came face-to-face with the brunette man, cock hard between his thighs as the enigmatic gunslinger moved to straddle his waist. "Th-thought ya didn't love me!" he stammered before mentally smacking himself in the face. That was not what he was supposed to ask! He was supposed to ask why the fuck the man had actually wanted to shave his dick and balls when he knew he was blonde! He was supposed to ask why the fuck the man was acting the way he did! He was supposed to ask what happened while he was in that coffin! He was supposed to ask about what happened to Lucinda-who-the-fuck-ever! He was supposed to ask why the fuck he was hard over a sexy motherfucker that had just tricked him! ...Fuck! Why was his mind not cooperating with him today?

Smirking behind the tall cowl of his cloak, the brunette leaned down far enough for the red fabric of his cloak to brush softly against the blonde's lips. "Care to share exactly what is rambling in your mind, Chief?"

Snarling, the pilot grabbed the rim of the cloak and pulled it down before smashing their lips together in a brutal kiss, fingers gripping his own hair as their teeth clashed together violently. Goddamn, that would be hard to explain...

Review for more. Find the not-so-well hidden message? Winner gets a prize story of their choosing.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, you know Cid!

**talinsquall**: That's because they're all basically the same. I confuse them, too. This is the one where Cid tries to get Vincent to open up and is willing to humiliate himself in the process. Heh, indeed! Thanks for reviewing!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Ha! Nice one!

**mizperceived**: Aww, thanks! Heh, good luck!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, thanks! It seemed like it would be Cid's train of thought. Indeed!

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks! Worry not.

**klausolas**: Well, we'll see about that, no?

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, I dare because I have no life! Here's more for you!


	14. Chapter 14

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>Sharp teeth that felt suspiciously like fangs bit down on his bottom lip before a hot tongue lapped at the tender wound in a silent apology. Hot leather pressed against his bare skin, allowing Cid to feel the strong muscles that lied underneath as he eagerly kissed the brunette. His fingers roamed over the leather and metal buckles that crossed the front of the cloak, working on unfastening the material from around Vincent's body while the majority of his mind could think past the heated tongue that was pushed into his mouth. Managing to undo the buckles that were normally in front of the gunner's supple lips, the pilot grasped the red material and tugged roughly, growling against the other's lips when it refused to pull away from his body.<p>

A deep chuckle came from the gunner as he pulled back slightly, his gloved fingers working on the clasps that were over his chest before tossing the heavy material to the side. Swooping down, Vincent captured Cid's lips in a bruising kiss, giving the blonde little time to the think or even change his mind as he delved his tongue into the pilot's hot mouth. The pilot moaned into the kiss as his fingers reached up before tangling themselves into the dark and tousled mass of hair that curtained around the gunner's face. Keeping a tight grip on the long strands, the blonde pilot tugged on them roughly, making sure that the taller man's sinful tongue continued to rub against his own as he squirmed underneath the leather-clad body above him.

Cid gasped into the other man's mouth when he felt the sharp tips of Vincent's warm talons circling around the sensitive flesh of his nipples, making the pilot's cock pulse between his thighs. A needy sound that the pilot would never admit to making escaped from his lips as he wiggled and squirmed, smirking once he managed to work his thigh between the gunner's legs. Pressing his bare thigh against the impressive length that pressed against the tight fabric of the ex-Turk's leather, the pilot teasingly nipped down the brunette' man's chin and jaw. He grinned when he felt the taller man rock his hips against his thigh, a low growl coming from the other man as he did so. Tan skin became humid with sweat as he nipped down the slender column of pale skin that made up the other man's throat, shuddering when the sharp claws delicately skimmed down his chest and the planes of his abdomen. Warm metal nicked the taut muscles slightly as the claws moved further south, making the pilot swallow thickly.

He knew that Vincent did not love him and was pretty sure that he was not in love with the elusive and morose ex-Turk, either. Yet, when the long and golden talons of the brunette's hand curled around the base of his cock, one long finger rubbing up and down along a vein, Cid could believe for a moment that it was going to be far more than just a one-night stand or a way for the both of them to simply get off before confronting General Whack-Job at the Northern Crater. The eternal optimist inside of him tried to reason that there was a chance that this event could be turned into something much more than just a way to relax. His pessimistic side swung forward with a vengeance, arguing that it was merely sexual tension from being stuck with the feminine appearing man for so long and being unable to jerk off.

Cid's mind went silent at a thick growl that came from the gunner that sounded suspiciously like a "Mine." He bucked up into the hand that circled his cock, moaning thickly when the grip tightened, his blue eyes barely making out the sadistic grin that had spread across the brunette man's face. In any normal situation, the pilot would have turned tail and bolted from the room at such a dark look of glee and possession. But this was not a normal situation as he was lying underneath his companion practically naked while the ex-Turk was fondling his bare cock after shaving off his pubic hair. Nothing about the situation could have been considered normal even before the two men started to kiss one another like they were reunited lovers.

Once more, smooth lips slammed against his chapped lips, banishing all of his confused and scrambling thoughts from his mind and getting Cid to focus solely on the brunette man that curved his sharp fingers to run a sharp talon against the weeping tip. Cid found himself spreading his legs open wider as he planted his feet on the bed, hips jerking up in an attempt to gain more pleasure from the intense man. The pilot pushed his tongue into the brunette's mouth, moaning lewdly at the sharp teeth that nipped at his tongue. There was no fucking way in hell that the gunner had normal teeth. Going by feel alone, the pilot was willing to bet both of his balls that the vampire was decked out with sharp fangs like a wild creature out of a horror story.

The blonde man panted for breath once they parted again, feeling lightheaded from the passionate kisses that he was lavished with. Sweat clung to his skin and made the leather that was still wrapped around the brunette gunner stick to his skin uncomfortably. Even while he tried to catch his breath, Cid untangled his hands from the wild mane of hair on top of Vincent's head before working on the first buckle that he saw. Several attempts later, he managed to pry off one of the belts, snarling when it seemed like seven more took its place.

A deep chuckle came from the ex-Turk as he released Cid's engorged cock, making the man groan in disappointment, before moving to kneel between the aroused blonde's thighs. Crimson eyes appeared to swirl with golden mischief as he slowly worked on removing the belts and buckles from his attire, the appreciative look that he sent the pilot's way made the shorter man shudder. Blue eyes watched the taller man eagerly even as his mind screamed for them to stop. Neither of the men were gay and neither of them should have even considered kissing, let alone jumping at the opportunity to fuck each other senseless.

Now, that was an attractive thought. He could bend the lanky fuck over the edge of the bed and- Holy fuck, how in hell did he manage to hide that thing under such tight leather? Cid's eyes widened as his gaze dipped down the pale and muscled man's body before settling on his cock. A mass of curled dark hair sat between the brunette's thighs while a wide and long length of flesh protruded from the hair, making the blonde's mouth suddenly go dry. Fucking hell, he was glad that he was going to be the one on top for this!

"Roll onto your stomach," Vincent murmured darkly as he watched the blonde pilot silently praising his body.

"Eh? Yeah, ya probably should to help move things along," Cid added while nodding his head, blinking when the brunette gunner openly laughed. It almost looked as though his thoughts were correct and that the ex-Turk actually had vampire-like fangs in his mouth. Wait, what the fuck was so funny?

"I was not telling you what I am going to do," the brunette explained as he leaned down, his fingers tapping along the pilot's side. "I am telling you what you are going to do. I would also suggest that you spread your legs as wide as you comfortably can to help assuage any discomfort you will initially feel."

Wait, so the pasty bastard was actually suggesting that he, Cid Highwind, should roll over and take a dick up his ass? "Fuck ya!" the pilot snapped as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"That is the point," the gunner remarked as a devilish smirk spread across his face, the tip of a gleaming fang poking out between his lips. Damn that silver-tongued bastard! Cid Highwind bitches for no one!

"Yer the one bottoming, Val!"

"Vincent."

"Val! Didn't we just fucking go over this? Yer "Val" and yer the one gettin' yer ass fucked!"

"I am "Vincent,"" the gunner practically purred as he leaned down, pressing their lips together, "and I am going to please and violate you in a way that you never thought possible." Not giving him any more time to object, the brunette quickly flipped the pilot onto his stomach before pressing soft kisses along the back of his neck. A shudder ran up Cid's spine as he leaned into the soft kisses, skin pricking at the feeling of hot breath washing over his sweaty and hot skin. "And when I am done," the deep baritone grumbled softly in his ear, making the hair on the nape of the pilot's neck stand on end, "all you will find yourself wanting is a cigarette to smoke."

"Them's some pretty big words, Val," the blonde man taunted as he attempted to roll onto his back, narrowing his eyes when the gunner's strong hands held him in place.

"I shall stand by them," Vincent countered as he smirked. "Now, answer me one last question, Chief: would you prefer that I use a condom or not?"

Heat cause by embarrassment crept into the blonde's face, tempting him to bury his face into the pillow and flip off the snarky and dry ex-Turk. Given the recent turn of events, though, along with Cid's growing need to climax before his dick just up and decided to fall off, he dared not to make such a gesture. The gunslinger would most likely either take it the wrong way and leave him to jerk off, which, while it would give him time to think about the current road that they were running down, would also give him a serious case of blue balls and a need to have someone touch his most intimate of places. The other option was that the brunette would take it to heart and actually act on it. Granted, it was where the pilot's current frame of mind was aiming towards; it would give him a warm body to pound into, if all goes in his favor, and would cure his current string of affairs with his right hand, left when he was feeling adventurous.

"Grab me a fuckin' condom," Cid hissed, daring not to look over his shoulder at the looming presence of the brunette man.

"I take it you do not want to be the mother or my "skinny-ass" children, Chief?" the brunette quipped in amusement, making the pilot choke on his own saliva at the suddenness and seriousness of his tone of voice.

"Are you fuckin' with me?"

"...I intend to be doing such an act very shortly."

"I'm fuckin' toppin', so ya know!"

"...Is that so?"

"Yer damn straight!"

"...Given the current turn of events, you seem to be wrong in two different ways."

"Oh, fuck ya!"

"...I shall after I get a condom."

"I swear to God, Val-"

"...Vincent."

"Val! I ain't walkin' with a goddamn limp tomorrow!"

"...We shall see about that. Now, your choices are "Ribbed for her pleasure," "Extra thin," or "Party colors,"" Vincent said, his voice seeping with amusement. "Personally, I believe you should go with the ribbed unless you want to be fucked by a neon purple dick..."

"...I fuckin' hate ya, Val."

"Vincent."

Review for more. For those of you who did not get the message but are curious, go back one chapter and write down the first letter of every paragraph. Kudos for getting it, **Aeriths-Rain**!

Thinking about updating everything on Friday; a good or bad idea? Also, tell me if I missed any major errors.

Thanks for reviewing:

**mizperceived**: No problem. Aww, thanks! I don't remember hearing about a shaving kink. Ha!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, Vincent's the ultimate scammer. Nope. Good guess, though.

**Sir Shirkin**: No problem. That they did.

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks! Heh, it comes naturally to him.

**Anon**: Heh, no problem.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"Val!" the pilot snapped back before grunting, "grab me a ribbed one if yer so fuckin' attached to 'em." A hum came from the dark-haired man as Cid listened to him rustling behind him, hearing him tear open a package before fumbling. "Just hand me the goddamn condom, Val! Ain't like I need ya to roll the som'bitch on my dick!"<p>

"As I have said," the brunette murmured before pressing his body firmly against the pilot's back, a hard and slick length pressing against the taut backside of the blonde man, "I am going to be the one pleasing you. You would not need a condom unless you plan on wearing one simply for kicks." Hot kisses were pressed against the sticky skin of the pilot's neck while the taller man made himself comfortable; the wide and hard heat pressing between the firm mounds of the pilot's ass incessantly. "I promise that you will enjoy it, Chief," the deep voice rumbled in his ear, making the blonde's cock throb against the bedding. Rocking his hips, the brunette's nestled his hard cock between Cid's cheeks, slicking up the heated flesh as the hot friction between their bodies made the gunner's nipples stiffen.

Now, he was not certain, but the Captain was beginning to think that just hearing the brunette's voice after fucking him was going to give him a hard-on to rival all previous erections. Granted, the brunette was already wearing a condom and he was face down with the surprisingly heavy bastard lying on top of him, but Cid was nothing if not a persistent son of a bitch. He could still manage to sweet-talk the man that was grinding against his ass to switch their positions. From what he could see earlier, the leather-wearing vampire had one hell of a firm body and he was certain that he could pound that body hard enough to make the man see stars.

Not that he was gay. No way in hell. This was just a... Well, fuck it, women can experiment! Why the fuck was it deemed that men could not do the same? Women could sleep with multiple woman and still be considered straight but if a guy fucks another guy, he's suddenly gay?

The tan pilot jerked and let out a sudden hiss as a cold digit suddenly breached his body, prodding the tight heat of his body and making his hips wiggle to accommodate the intrusion. "Pardon my suddenness," the gunner breathed heatedly in his ear, making the other man shudder. "You seemed lost in a train of thought and I would rather make you see the benefits of this liaison before you decide to chicken out and run."

"I ain't a fuckin' chicken!" Cid snapped, eyes fluttering when something inside of his body was brushed, causing him grind his hips against the none too soft sheets in an attempt for more pleasure. A low curse slipped from his lips before he could stop it, making the brunette gunner chuckle almost knowingly.

"See, Chief?" he damn near purred, making Cid contemplate reaching back and elbowing the smug fucker in the chest. "I told you that you would enjoy this." A second finger was soon added, catching the blonde man by surprise as the long and thin digits pummeled against his prostate without mercy. Sweat clung to his skin, building up before tricking down sun-kissed muscles and seeping into the bed. If it were not for the pleasure that the nimble fingers were giving him, he would definitely be more than annoyed at the sticky feeling; being warm was not a problem, neither was being hot. Being uncomfortably moist and hot? That was a big fucking problem.

He tried to think of a way to get the brunette to see that it would benefit him more if he was the one getting fucked; giving the pilot the opportunity to relieve himself of some stress and not have to limp about the following day while trying to walk through the snow. However, Cid's thoughts were cut short when a third finger was quickly pushed into his body, stretching his walls meticulously while hitting his prostate with renewed vigor. The pilot's thoughts were cut short as his mind filled with hot pleasure, hips rocking back into the pumping motions of the pale fingers while his cock smeared sticky precum between his body and the bedding. He could not tell for sure, but his mind could make out a curve in the lips of the man that was kissing his way down his back. Was the bastard smirking at him?

Suddenly, the hot digits were pulled free, making Cid gas in disappointment. Fucking hell, he was so goddamn close! A thicker heat nudged against his ass before he felt a set of hot hands spreading his cheeks wide. Slick fingers and hot metal pushed open his body before a slick and blunt heat nudged his prepared opening. Time was running out; only a few grains of sand were left in the hourglass. His mind screamed for him to use his silver tongue to persuade the gunner to be the bitch. All of those thoughts faded away and died when the large mass pushed forward, slowly beginning to fill his body as heavy panting met his ears. "For a straight man," the deep voice panted while Vincent continued to force his engorged length inside of the pilot, "you are very eager for gay sex."

"Fuck ya," Cid snapped, grunting when he felt the large tip of the gunner's cock push past his prostate. Holy fuck, just how big of a dick did this man have? Maybe Yuffie was onto something when she was talking about the size of man's dick related to the size of his ears, feet, or hands. Son of a bitch sure had huge ass hands and feet, if especially if his boots were anything to go by! A shudder wracked Cid's body as he felt the taller man stop, coarse hair as well as velvety skin were brushing against his ass, letting the pilot know that he had managed to take in all that the gunner had. Damned if he was not going to be walking funny in the morning!

"I intended to," Vincent murmured before nipping his neck. Okay, so those were definitely fangs. No fucking two ways about it; the man was running fangs up and down his throat. Usually he mocked Barret every time that he claimed that the sulky bastard was a vampire, but the more intimate that he got with the bastard, the more he was seeing that it could very well be the truth. The wide heat began to pull out of his body before snapping forward, making an obscene cry flee the pilot's throat as his body was plundered. Hell, there was no fucking way that the guy could remotely miss his prostate; he stretched Cid's body open wide and filled every space that there was available to fill! A pleased chuckled came from the dark man as he rocked his hips, pressing the pilot's farther into the sheets as he held a strong rhythm.

It did not take long before Cid realized that his own hips had risen off of the bed and he was eagerly pushing back against the gunner's movements, making his balls smack audibly against his ass with every thrust. He was never going to admit to that fact, though. He was not gay and he sure was not going to admit to liking having Vincent's dick buried deep inside of his body. Not that he liked it, no. He was merely...going along for the ride. ...So to speak. Experimenting! Cid Highwind was not a gay man, he was just experimenting with Vincent Valentine. Yeah. That was it.

Sharp talons tapped along his skin as they made their way to his hip, hot fingers swirling across sticky skin as they made their way to the opposite hip before grabbing onto the tan flesh and using the hold to move harder and faster. A grunt came from the pilot with thrust of the gunner's powerful hips, his body rubbing against the bedding while his cock wept with need. A hot tongue lapped at his ear before nipping the flushed flesh, making the blonde man moan lewdly. Given the way that Vincent was working his body over, Yuffie's desire to be with him was well justified. Cid's fingers clutched at the sheets directly under the pillow as his toes clawed at the blanket to grab purchase of the material. His body rocked against Vincent's, dragging his neglected cock against the blanket as the pace grew more frantic.

The heavy breathing in his ear became more labored as the speed of his hips increased. Loud slaps filled their air when their bodies collided, making Cid grunt while Vincent growled against his ear. The grip around his hips tightened, sharp talons digging into flesh and making the pilot hiss as blood trickled down his hips. The breathing in his ear slowed down and grew more intense, the pilot's mind instantly making the comparison to man inhaling the scent from a fine wine before sipping it. Sharp pain exploded throughout his shoulder just moments before he climaxed, making the pilot jerk and look down at his shoulder. He could feel a shudder rack through the gunner's body as he moved back, lapping at the wound he had caused.

"Did ya just fuckin' bite me?" Cid breathed, blue eyes hazy as his limp body started to come down from the euphoric high of his orgasm. He narrowed his eyes at the brunette man as best as he could while the other man slowly pulled his softening cock out of his body. The deceptively heavy man sat lied down beside him, resting his head on the pillow as he licked blood off of his lips. There were three beds in the damned room, yet the pasty vampire decided to lie down flush against him. "I'm waitin' fer a fuckin' answer, Val! Ow, goddammit, don't fuckin' touch it!"

"It appears as though I scraped your clavicle, Chief," the gunner muttered before he lied back down, not appearing to be too interested in the topic at hand. Seriously, what the fuck was that about? He was just bitten before reaching his orgasm and the vampire was not even all that concerned!

"Ya best not have any diseases, Val," Cid warned before making himself comfortable on the bed, rolling onto his back and away from the pool of cum where his cock once was.

"I assure you that I do not," Vincent replied before threading long, metal fingers through the pilot's hair, making sure not cut his scalp open.

"I ain't gay."

"Neither am I."

"I don't love ya, either."

"I am not in love with you, either, Chief."

"I fuckin' mean it!"

"I know."

"Ya better," Cid muttered before yawning slightly. They would definitely have to clean up the room before letting the spiky-haired leader inside to rest for the night. Fuck, walking through more ass-deep snow was going to suck hairy balls. He really should have convinced Vincent to play the role of the bitch and see how well he would walk tomorrow. Sure would proved some amusement before he either got shot or froze to death. Could not say that it was a bad fuck though. In a non-gay way. ...Except for the biting. ...And that fact that he slept with a man. ...And the fact that he was the one getting fucked. Yeah, definitely a non-gay fucking.

"...I must say," Vincent panted in his ear, his tone teasing and light while he pulled the used condom off before tossing it in the trash, metallic hand reaching out before grabbing the blonde man and pulling him flush against his own sticky body. "After being locked in a coffin for thirty years, that has got to be one of the best times I have gotten laid, Chief."

Was he telling the truth or fucking with him again? It was so damn hard to tell!

"Yeah, right after ya rose from the dead an' started bitin' necks right? Did ya get the brat first?"

"I am telling the truth, Captain," the brunette murmured before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Well, damn, it was pretty hard to deny that the kiss was pretty fucking gay...

Review for more.

Thanks for reviewing:

**talinsquall**: Ha! I never heard of a cockhanger before! I like it. Here's some smut to help with the heat! Well, it would mean that I would not update any other day of the week and practically flood the market on Fridays.

**Inuobsessed004**: It comes naturally to him.

**omgitskirby**: Here you go!

**mizperceived**: It sucked ass (and not in the good way) trying to come up with paragraphs that started with uncommon letters. That's because he would rather not catch; or at least act like it. Thanks!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, I was running out of time and it was the only way that I could update a chapter. The only other option was to make ya'll wait longer for a four-thousand word chapter. That's one of the concerns I have; all of my stories are basically the same and might confuse people.

**Aeriths-Rain**: He's slow to face the reality of the situation. No problem, sweetheart!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, thanks! Wait no more!


	16. Chapter 16

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>Cid found himself leaning into the kiss even though he knew that there was no chance in hell he could sweet-talk his way out of it. That was a gay kiss and he kissed back. A soft sound bubbled up in his chest before he could fully squash it, making Vincent smirk slightly against his lips before pulling back. "Would you like the first shower, Chief?" the dark-haired and deep-voiced man practically purred, causing Cid's mind to fling itself into the gutters. The guy was fucking with him, he had to remember that! Vincent was a straight man that probably had a closet full of rotting skeletons and he was not the kind of man that he needed to be fucking around with!<p>

...Not that he should have been fucking around with any kind of man...

Cidney fucking Highwind was a straight man, goddammit! No straight-faced, sarcastic, dry-humored, tight-lipped, pasty motherfucker was going to change that!

"Yeah," the blonde breathed, sounding like a breathless schoolgirl that had just gotten kissed by her first crush. Oh, fucking hell... He was doomed. Getting up from the bed, the pilot winced at the ache that had settled between his legs. God-fucking-dammit. He was going to be walking with one hell of a limp tomorrow and there was not a doubt in his mind that the kid would not pick up on it; even if he was a bit slow upstairs. Hobbling to the bathroom as best as he could, the pilot turned the water on as high as it could be before relaxing under the hot water. After being stuck in the cold for nearly a week, a hot shower was just the thing that he needed to unwind.

Leaning against the tile wall, Cid sighed softly as he relaxed under the hot water, washing his skin and hair before getting out slowly, wanting to just remain under the hot spray of water as long as he could. There was nothing like heat to make him feel more at ease. With the exception of a nice cigarette and a cup of tea, of course. And a good lay. Hell, he was a man, after all! Grudgingly, the blonde pulled himself from the shower and turned off the water, drying off before dressing in a bathrobe and returning to the bedroom, raising an eyebrow in irritation at the way crimson eyes followed him around the room in amusement. "Fuck off!" he snapped before dressing and sitting down gingerly on the bed.

"We never finished our game," Vincent said as though he did not even notice the vulgarity tossed his way. He continued to lie on the bed completely naked without any fucking shame. It was odd to see considering that the man usually stalked around wearing more leather and heavy fabric than any sane person would wear. Then again, no one ever claimed that the tall fucker was sane.

"Got to wait for the kid, don't we?" Cid asked with a shrug of his shoulders, not particularly wanting to invite the other blonde into the room just yet. He was certain that the entire room reeked of sex and male musk and that was not something that he would like to explain to the empty-headed blonde. ...Especially if the kid did not even know that two men could have sex; that was not a conversation he ever planned on having. They could always try to air out the room but that would mean opening the windows for a prolonged period of time and letting in the cold was something that the warm blonde downright refused to do. He was finally warm and would not be giving that up for all of the fucking tea in Wutai!

"Or we can continue until we let him in the room," the brunette gunner offered, smirking lazily at the blonde. A shudder ran up Cid's spine at the smirk. Without the silent bastard wearing his usually ridiculous outfit he could actually see the expressions that graced the ex-Turk's sharp features. While the raven-haired man was once hell of a specimen to look at, the pilot was finding himself missing the presence of the buckle-laden red fabric. Not so much that he wanted to cover up the bastard's face...he just did not want to be smirked at like there was something amusing about him and he did not know. It was fucking unnerving!

"Sure," the pilot said before flopping down on the bed, making himself comfortable and making sure not to lie down in the pool of cum on the blanket. "Ever smoke?" He really wanted to ask why the fucker was locked in a coffin but it seemed too soon to jump into those deep waters without knowing what lied underneath the surface.

"Of course," Vincent answered as he continued to smirk, his human fingers reaching out to thread through the blonde's mussed and damp hair, twirling the strands around his fingers as he massaged the pilot's scalp gently. "Did you enjoy having being submissive?" Well, damn him to hell and slap little red horns on his head! Even after riding his ass like the damn meteor was about to crash into the planet any goddamn second the fucker was still not holding back any shots! You would think that he would have a little more tact!

Grumbling even as he leaned into the touch of the taller man's swirling fingers, the blonde pilot nodded, face burning as he answered, "Yeah." There was no fucking way in hell that he was going to live this down, that was for sure. Not only had he down the unspeakable with the somber fucker, he had liked it and had just admitted to liking it. It was not as though he could lie to the brunette either; the man was balls deep inside of his ass when he came so there was no chance that he could even remotely lie. Not to mention that part of the rules of the game was that he had to answer honestly. But Vincent had just opened the floodgates without even knowing it. If he was going to ask fucking personal questions, he was going to be asked personal fucking questions! "So, Val-"

"Vincent," the brunette corrected once more, making Cid wonder whether or not this was going to be a current topic that they were always going to argue on.

"Fuck off," the pilot snapped with no real bite as he waved his hand. He had already explained to the gun-wielding bastard that he was going to be called "Val" whether he liked it or not and he was not going to be going back on his word any time soon. "So, I'm a curious som'bitch-"

"I gathered as much," the brunette cut in, red eyes glinting when the pilot held up his middle finger. "You are already up for another round, Highwind? I must say, I am impressed."

Cid huffed as he felt his ears burning at the teasing. Who the fuck would have guessed that the bastard got playful after he got laid? It certainly was not something that the aviator would have expected. Hell, they should tote that in school: "Having sex can make moody vampires much more amusing and less bitter!" But that was not the case, as much as it amused the pilot. Instead, he reached over and flicked the tip of the brunette's nose.

"Fuck off, Val."

"Vincent."

Oh, yeah. This was definitely going to become a thing between them.

"Val," the pilot added for good measure. It was best not to let the skinny fucker think that he had gotten the upper hand. "My question is, what the fuck were ya doin' in a coffin?"

"Atoning for my sins," Vincent replied curtly. Well, fuck. That was not the answer he was expecting. Surely the creep knew that there were better ways to right his wrongs; hell, take a paddling from a priest, couple of "Hail Mary"s and be one your way! But, there was something about the way that he had said it that led the blonde man to believe that there was more to the story than him seeking atonement. There was a fucking story there and he would be damned if he did not hear it straight from the loony fucker's mouth. "So, Chief," the deep voice rumbled slowly, lips curling into a dangerous smirk. "Tell me; how many times have you faced true heartbreak?"

Son of a bitch; the fucker should write a book of the most obscure, personal, and embarrassing questions to fucking ask people during a fucking game of Truth or Truth! He had to have one of the quickest and more sadistic minds that he had ever seen in his life. Fuck, his heartbreaks...it was not often that Cid got involved in emotional, let alone physical, relationships with women or men. ...The men section would have to have been far more recent, of course. His abrasive attitude was usually a turnoff for most people and very few outside of Rocket Town knew who the fuck he even was. His dating pool was very small to begin with; the blonde had little tolerance for crazy antics and childish behavior from someone he wanted to be around.

"Twice," the blonde admitted. "How 'bout ya?"

"Once."

Well, that was fucking unhelpful. So, the vampire obviously had something that he felt like locking himself in a coffin was proper atonement for and he had only had one heartbreak in his life, which, in and of itself, was pretty sad. He could only hope that the man had more than one girlfriend during his short life. Hell, he could not have been locked in a coffin for too long; he would have needed food and water, right? And a bathroom. That he was certain of. So his heartbreak had to be recent. But what the fuck happened he was very unsure of. "Are you listening, Chief?" a dark voice cut into his thoughts, his tone seeping with amusement.

"Huh?" Clear blue eyes blinked before the blonde pilot focused on the gunner. Fuck, he must have zoned out. Judging from the slight smile on the other man's face, he did not seem to upset about it, though.

"I asked whether or not you plan on going into space on your own once the planet has been saved from Sephiroth."

"If."

"Correct; if the world is saved from Sephiroth."

"Dunno," the blonde sighed before looking up at the ceiling. "Would have to work quickly to get the Number Twenty-Six operational 'fore the poor girl falls right over. Still have fucking difficulty keeping the gal from rusting over; it's rainy season, ya know."

"...I did not."

"Well, it is!"

"I shall take your word for it, Captain.," the brunette chuckled softly, looking over at timid knocks to the door.

"Is everything all right in there?" A soft voice called out. Well, now they really had no time to air out the room before Cloud could get some rest.

"Hold on," the gunner said before rising up from the bed, dressing faster than Cid though possible for a man that was putting on skin-tight leather and heavy cloth. Striding over to the door, the brunette man opened the door revealing a yawning swordsman standing in the doorway. "You should sleep," Vincent remarked before the blonde nodded and flopped down on the nearest bed, quickly falling asleep. Well, that was one fucking solution to the problem of what to do about the smell. Chuckling, the gunner leaned down and covered the leader of their group with the blanket before looking over at Cid. "It is your question."

"...What was her name?" the pilot asked before the question could filter through his mind, red eyes narrowing at him.

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Thanks for reviewing:

**talinsquall**: Ha; we'll soon find out. I think I'll try it out next week and see how it goes.

**Inuobsessed004**: Indeed!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Ha; I seem to do that a lot! Thanks.

**Aeriths-Rain**: Heh, that he was!

**omgitskirby**: Thanks!

**(no name)**: (Chapter Twelve) Heh, I suck in the romance department; sap and fluff are not my forte. The only reason "Romance" is in the genre choices is because they don't have "Porn" as a choice. But, I'd be willing to give it a shot; I'll add it to my profile's "In-The-Works" section (for every one idea I work one, five more pop into my rambling mind).

**mizperceived**: Ha! Thanks; he's going to keep denying it as long as he can, though.

**KittyWillCutYou**: (Chapter Two) Indeed!

**KittyWillCutYou**: (Chapter Fifteen) I am; there was just a slight delay in updating for the past couple of weeks. Aww, thanks!


	17. Chapter 17

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>Fuck; well, there was only two ways that this could go. One way; he gets an answer and a little more of an insight into the morose fucker's head. The other way; he gets gutted in a vicious manner by said morose fucker. The second the red eyes narrowed dangerously at him the pilot knew that he had fucked up in a big way; he had overstepped a boundary that he did not even see. Damn his tongue for speaking before his mind could step in! Oh well, it was done with and he was a level of fucked that had never occurred to him before.<p>

"Lucrecia," the brunette man hissed out in contempt.

Well, boo-fucking-hoo! The vampire did not like answering, his dark voice practically seeped with a seething rage that he had not heard before. It was as if even saying this broad's name brought up feelings so bad that he had to lash out at the nearest person. Life was full of ass-kickings and the wiry fucker better get used to it or he might as well return to his coffin and mope his fucking days away until the goddamn meteor crashed into the fucking planet and killed off everyone. So some chick broke his heart, so he seemed to hate talking about it, so he looked as though he was going to wring his ne- Wait, he should be a little more worried about being strangled by his companion.

"Tell me, Chief," Vincent muttered as his still narrowed eyes continued to stare at the blonde man determinately. "What are you most ashamed of?" That was it; right there! He could hear the fucking contempt in his voice as the words left his mouth. After playing this game and asking the most random and prying questions did the fucker seriously think that he was going to back down just because he was pissed off about asking some woman's name? Bullshit! There was no way in fuck that he was letting the bastard get off the hook so easily! He could play just as dirty as the pasty bastard.

"Fuckin' makin' my Ma cry."

"What did you do?"

"Ya only get one question per turn, Val," the pilot sneered, not missing the slight raise of one of the brunette's eyebrows. Sure, it was childish of him to get pissed off just because the vampire was acting like someone pissed in his goddamn cereal. Sure, the depressing emo probably would not be able to figure out exactly why the pilot was getting upset about, but the safety bar already clicked in place and that rollercoaster was trekking up the goddamn tracks. He had better hold on and not get motion sick! "What are ya most ashamed of?" Ha! Turn the question on him! He could practically see the brunette's anger raise, his red eyes catching his gaze and holding onto it tightly. Damn, he could practically see the different shades of red swirling amongst each other. Fucking gorgeous eyes, that was for sure.

"...Letting Sephiroth be born."

Wait, what?

The Great Crazy had to be older than himself and he was already thirty-two. He was definitely older than the leather-wearing punk; he could not be a day over twenty-five. The gunman looked young and could probably pass as one of those punks that wore all black and spouted about the travesties of the world as they tried to keep the string black mess of hair out of their eyes. All he needed was to get his hair trimmed a bit; just short enough so it was not womanly, but just long enough to block his fucking vision. If he was younger than General Promised Land how the fuck could he have stopped the silver-haired psych-ward escapee from being born. Unless...

Blue eyes widened before narrowing at the gunman that stared at him as if he was waiting for the pilot to figure it out on his own. No fucking way. No fucking way in hell!

"How old are ya?" Cid snapped as he kept his narrowed gaze on the vampire.

He could tell by the chill that filled the room that the creep was smiling at him from behind the tall red cloth wrapped around his face. Not a happy smile either. "You only get one question per turn, Highwind," the brunette man shot back. Asshole. "What made you decide to join Cloud?"

"Ya'll were fuckin' takin' my baby!" the pilot huffed as he continued to observe the bondage-fetish-enjoying-looking weirdo in front of him. He had let this whack-job fuck him? Really? Had he lost his goddamn mind? The man was pushing sixty. SIXTY! Ugh! How could his guess be so wrong? The fucker kept saying he was in a coffin! Hell, he was probably it because he was going to drop from old age any day now. He knew he was being unfair in his mind, but seriously, goddamn! The kid looked good for being in his golden years. That thought did not stop his other thoughts from running rampant through his mind. SIXTY! Holy fuck! There was no way in fuck that was ever going to leave his mind.

You know that saying that someone could say or do one tiny thing that would change your opinion of them forever? Check and mate. Goddamn. Sixty... He did not even look half as good as the pale bastard and he was half his age! That was fucking unfair. Sure, he smoked and drank on a daily basis, but still! Sixty. Son of a bitch! What the fuck did that skinny fucker do? Live off of grass and water?

"...That is not your only reason, is it, Chief?" Vincent asked softly, his eyes no longer glaring as he watched the pilot carefully. He could see that the other man was deep in thought. Something had caught his attention and damn if it did not intrigue him as well.

"Nah," the pilot said before moving to flop down on the bed, stretching his arms and legs out. Sixty. Shit. That thought was going to haunt him until the fucking end of time. His anger had vanished as he tried to imagine Vincent as an old man; long black hair graying and still in a tangled mess. Would he let it continue to grow like most old men do with their beards or would he chop it all off? Would he still stand upright with perfect posture or would he slouch over; bones brittle with old - older - age? Would his pale skin be marred with sun spots, which was a very unlikely thought; or liver spots? Would his balls sag and his muscles wither?

There was so much that he wanted to know!

"But it seemed like a better decision than just standin' there an' lettin' ShinRa's cronies shoot down my pride an' joy. Already took the Highwind, ya know. Couldn't lose my last baby to them scum."

"...You have another airplane?" Vincent asked tentatively. He could tell that the blonde was still mourning the loss of his airplane and felt sorrow and rage that ShinRa had not only tried to take his pink plane but had actually succeeded in taking something else from the vibrant blonde.

"Airship. Was fuckin' gorgeous," the blonde replied as he thought back of his large creation, all previous notions of anger gone as he remembered the rumbling purr of the engines as he steered his airship, the gentle vibrations shaking through the large device as he soared through the sky.

"...ShinRa needs to pay for that," the brunette said as he took a seat on the opposite bed, looking at the blonde uncertainly. "They have done many things to many people and need to be punished."

Snorting, the blonde rolled his eyes, "Ya make it sound like we are going to storm in there, take down anyone we need to, and take the Highwind back!" As the awkward silence filled the room, blue eyes widened before he hissed, trying not to waken the leader of their group. "Have ya lost yer fuckin' mind, Val?"

"Vincent."

"We ain't fuckin' doin' that!"

"Why not?"

Why not? Why the fuck not? What the fuck was wrong with this guy? Normal people do not logically think that if a company steals from them, especially one that is known for employing some of the cruelest motherfuckers to ever walk the planet as hit men, that it would be perfectly fine to waltz right through the front doors, kick ass, and take names! Did the bastard think that they did not have the craziest security and personnel of the planet?

Oh, wait. He's fucking SIXTY!

Probably did not even have security teams back in his day as a Turk.

He really wanted to burst the brunette's bubble; tell him about how much the world has changed since he was brought into the world.

...Then again, he really enjoyed his balls right where they were.

"Tell ya what, Val-"

"Vincent."

"Val. I'll make ya a deal. Next time we're both in ShinRa's headquarters, I'll take ya up on that deal. We'll get the Highwind back from 'em and ya can kick as much ass as ya fuckin' want," the blonde said as he yawned. Like there was a chance of that ever fucking happening. They were fucking near the Northern Crater and on a completely different continent. There was a far greater chance of the silver-haired mad hatter of lopping all of their heads off before skipping away and frolicking through the snow with his freaky-ass, alien bitch of a mother than there was of them killing Jenova and Sephiroth before ShinRa, making their way back through the crazy snow and treacherous terrains back to dock and taking a ferry to Midgar. They would still have to get into the fucking building without getting shot on sight; their only chance would be to dangle their spiky-haired, blonde chocobo of a leader on a stick and hope that the redheaded Turk was the only one on duty.

Fat fucking chance of that.

He had already made his peace with losing his namesake and living his life without it.

"Deal," the gunner agreed with a nod of his head before shifting to lie back on his own bed, reaching out and turning off the light, casting the room in darkness. "Chief?" he called out gently, his dark voice sounding more like a purr in the darkness but Cid could not tell if it was just his mind acting up. Hell, the man was SIXTY! He probably could not even purr anymore! Then again, how the fuck was the man still looking so good after climbing out of a coffin like a fucking crypt keeper? Plus, he was obviously able to still get his rocks off even though he was so old.

Ugh.

He slept with a SIXTY-year-old!

A sixty-year-old MAN, nonetheless!

He was so fucked up.

"What's up, Val?"

"...Do you want to have sex again?"

"Uhh..." Oh, fuck. What the fuck should he say? 'Gee, Val, as much as I would love to fuck right now, the fact that you have to be at least sixty, at the MINIMUM, is a real turnoff and I don't think I could get it up even if I saw a whole beach full of naked chicks making out with one another?' Yeah. Right. Might as well take his lance and ram it up his ass blade first and be done with it! "Ya plan on bitchin' this time?" Wait, what? That was not what he was supposed to day! Fucking hell; he's SIXTY, not some little twenty-something that he could boff all fucking night long! Sixty! Fucking SIXTY!

"...We shall see."

Review for more. Sorry for the massive delays. I'm on meds that are like one fucked up acid trip. Creepy music (Florence + the Machine - look it up!) and metal breakdowns in the middle of the night are fun. I'm such a fucking mental case.

On the good side: I'm almost out of my meds and should start updating on a daily basis again.

...Now I'm going to go listen to "Blinding" on repeat for the next...three days. Have a good weekend, ya'll!

Thanks for reviewing:

**Chibi-Tenshi-Bunny**: Heh, yeah. That would be like admitting defeat; not something Cid would willingly do (I assume). Ha. He's a dark one, that's for sure. Aww, thanks!

**Aeriths-Rain**: Aww, thanks. Sex works wonders for him.

**omgitskirby**: Thanks.

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, he's not much of a fluff man.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Indeed!

**EvilValenStrife**: Heh, that he does! Aww, thanks, sweetheart! Ha; we'll see about that!

**Sir Shirkin**: (Chapter Fourteen) Ha!

**Sir Shirkin**: (Chapter Fifteen) Aww, thanks. Indeed!

**mizperceived**: Aww, sorry! Not so much a "life" issue as a "medication" issue. Here's more for you!

**HeavyWeapons**: Aww, thanks! Sorry, the medication I'm on has been throwing me for a loop.


	18. Chapter 18

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>"Eh?" What the fuck kind of response was that? That's the kind of things that mothers tell their little children when they are inside of a store and the brats start begging for something that they want. We shall see...did the lanky fucker think that he was a child just because he was fucking half of his goddamn age? "Do ya fuckin' plan on limpin' through the goddamn snow tomorrow, Val?"<p>

Nice comeback. It was not like he could just turn towards the snarky bastard and say "Sure, I'd love to but I'm worried yer geriatric bones would snap like fuckin' pretzel sticks 'cause yer fuckin' SIXTY!" Yeah, that would go over well. Even if it was what he truly wanted to snap at the vampire, it was not like he could easily do it without the brunette man focusing on certain parts instead of others. The guy was pretty attentive for such an old bastard and rather than focusing on the comment about his bones being like baked pretzels that could be easily broken, the lanky fucker would certain focus more on the "sure" and the next thing he would know, his legs would be in the air like a women in a gynecologist's office. ...At least, that is what he assumed would happen in that kind of place. Cid could not be certain and there was no chance in hell that we would be willing to find out.

"Vincent," the deep voice corrected him once more as two, glowing, red orbs stared at him through the darkness. The fucker sure had a way of messing with his head. Hell, he was sorely tempted to just give in and give the bastard whatever the fuck he wanted just as long as he could continue to stare into those glowing eyes. Dammit, he had to focus unless he wanted to do something stupid!

"Val," the blonde countered as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. What the fuck was wrong with him; he was contemplating fucking the sixty-year-old man in a room that was not exactly empty! Hell, the kid could wake up at any moment and there was no fucking way in hell that he was going to explain it! ...Like he even could.

The brunette hummed softly as red eyes continued to stare evenly at the blonde, tempting him to strip off all of his close and just tell the brunette vampire to have his way with him. "What is your problem with homosexuals, Chief?"

At that simple question, Cid could feel all the gears in his head screeching to a halt. Contrary to what Yuffie liked to say, his mind was far more complicated than a starving mouse on a wheel chasing after a chunk of cheese that was dangling in front of its face. He liked to think of his mind working like a machine; all of the cogs in the right place and working with the gentle purr of moving metal. And that goddamn spook in the group just caused the fucking train to jump the tracks. "Come again?" Even in his befuddled mind, the blonde pilot could tell that those two words could be misinterpreted. "The fuck do ya mean, Val?"

"Vincent," the brunette man corrected once more.

"I ain't got no problems with queers!"

"Homosexuals."

"Argh! Are ya tryin' ta fuck with my head 'r somethin', Val?"

"Vincent!"

"Fuck ya!"

"I shall decline; I would fuck you, though."

Damn, for such an old geezer, the guy sure knew how to twist the goddamn situation into his favor when it came to sex! ...Must be because he's sixty and had plenty of time to perfect his skills. Ugh, sixty. Sagging skin, drooping testicles, liver spots, veins... It was unfair but every time he thought of that number it brought up the image of a man sitting in a rocking chair on a porch sipping on his tea and snarling at some little punks to get off of his lawn while waving a cane angrily in the air. Sure, the brunette gunner was still young looking and it was very hard for Cid to imagine him doing such a thing with how he currently looked, but in the dark, with only his glowing eyes visible, he could very well be a wrinkly mess for all he knew!

Okay, that was a lie and he knew it.

"I ain't got nothin' against queers, Val. I just ain't one of 'em," the pilot grumbled. Geez, he seriously thought that the motherfucker could not possibly come up with any more ridiculous questions after the last bout about that Lucinda woman. Wait, that wasn't right. Some crazy woman whose name started with "Lu."

"Recent events point towards the contrary, Chief," the gunner commented. He even sounded smug in the fucking dark! God, what he would give to haul off and punch the old vampire right in his fangs.

"Fuck ya!" he snapped irritably, grateful that the mood of sex was easily killed as an uneasy feeling filled the pit of his stomach. He could not seriously be regretting the missed chance to jump the bloodsucker's bones! Granted, he did not want to ever be jumping any bones...especially not the "non-bone" in his pants. Ugh, new thought. He was not upset with himself for missing the chance to sleep with Vincent mind-fuck Valentine. No way in hell. ...He just was a little, a tiny, miniscule bit frustrated that he missed the chance to press the gangly man into the mattress and fuck him senseless.

Not that he was gay.

And not that he would fuck an elderly man.

...Even though the gunner was practically twice his age.

...And he came back to the rocking chair once more...

"Say it, Chief," Vincent cajoled softly, knocking the blonde out of his thoughts once more.

"Say what, Val?"

"Vincent."

"Fuck off."

"Say "homosexual.""

"..Why?" Now, Cid was a rocket scientist but he was also blonde. He knew that some things often slipped past him without his recognition. The was a niggling feeling in his mind that this was some devious plan on the gunner's behalf. Why else would he be pressing so hard to find all of the skeletons that were buried in his closet? Hell, the fucker was even trying to dig into the ground of the closet to see if any were hidden in the floor before cracking open the walls to make sure that he had dragged out every single half-decomposed and rotting body that he could find! ...Okay, that was a dark comparison. The gunner was not that sadistic. ...Perhaps. Who the fuck knew when it came to the lanky man? Either way, he knew that dark-haired man was planning something.

But he was the one who was supposed to be finding out more about the gunner. He had no problem with flashing his skeletons at the vampire as long as the guy did the same. Instead, it was like he was trying to yank the gunner's pointed fangs right out of his goddamn head. All of his skeletons were buried six feet under and he looked one while the pilot tried to unbury them with his fucking hands. Sadistic fucker. How the hell was he going to get the shithead to open up about himself when the guy was so fucking uncooperative? Fuck, the guy was not even just watching him, he was replacing the dirt faster than he could remove it! The son of a bitch sure had a lot of tricks up his sleeve and Cid was going to have to do more than just be open with the vampire. He would have to do something drastic to show him that he would not betray his trust...that was, if the gawky bastard would even trust him in the first place!

"Do you trust me, Chief?"

He really wanted to say "Not as far as I can throw ya!" but he knew that if the gunner ever gave him the opportunity, and that would never happen, that he could probably hurl the gangly fucker a far distance. That would completely ruin that clipped comment. Besides, the crypt-keeping geezer had managed to haul his ass to safety more times than he would like to admit. Sure, he often took the brunt of the gunner's attacks before the sharpshooter was awfully thin looking and he was damn certain that a couple of the monsters that they had run into could have snapped him in half. If was in his best interest to make sure that their small group did not get any smaller. ...That, and he really needed to keep Yuffie of his back. She seemed to take a stalker-esque liking to the Gothic kid...err...old coot. He just did not want to be the one that had to console the tiny woman; he was certain that Tifa would step in to shut her up, but the sobbing would get to him eventually and Cid knew himself well enough to know that he would probably fly them straight into the side of a mountain rather than put up with an inconsolable, whining, crying brat.

...And he would miss the snarky comments that the dark man often threw out when it suited him. The guy had one hell of a twisted sense of humor when he felt like talking. Well, when he was not asking the most absurd questions that was.

"I trust ya, Val," Cid relented, having the feeling that he was either digging his own grave unknowingly or grabbing more rope to hang himself with.

"Then I want you to say the word "homosexual." Surely a man who could build rockets could say more than monosyllabic words," Vincent replied teasingly. There it was; the dry humor that he often showed to the blonde when he saw fit. Granted, the majority of the time he would not be poking fun at the pilot.

"Oh, fuck ya!" the Captain snorted with laughter. "Ya know fer a damned fact that I use words with more than on goddamn syllable, ya crypt-walker!"

"Prove it."

Even if it was not dark, Cid would not see the smirk on the tall man's face. But damned if he could not hear it! "Fine! Ya pushy bastard. Save some of that energy when ya need ta push some dirt on my grave, ya geezer." Grumbling, the blonde could not help the uneasiness that had settled into the pit of his stomach. It was not like he was admitting that he was gay; he was just saying the word. Granted, it was a foreign word; he often had more colorful ways to get his point across rather than using the politically correct terms. Sighing, the blonde covered his face with his hands. It really was not hard. Just...get it over with. Say the damned word. "...Homosexual. There! Ya fuckin' happy?"

There was no sense of accomplishment, no joy or revelation after he had said it. Cid was not sure exactly why Vincent was pushing him to say the fucking word other than just for fucking kicks. It made him feel a little nauseous to his stomach, but that could easily be explained with what a fucking rollercoaster the day was.

"Not yet."

Oh, for fuck's sake! What the fuck did this guy want? For him to get on his hands and knees and blow him?

...Where the fuck did that thought come from?

"I want you to tell me what your problem with homosexuals is, Chief. And remember, no lying. I want the truth from you."

Fuck, it was not like he was lying; he honestly had no problems with queers! ...Perhaps he could try to explain it with better words than that but he meant what he said!

...Was this just because he did not jump at the opening to get fucked by the gunner for a second time? Was this his revenge?

Review for more.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Inuobsessed004**: But it's such a BIG number to him!

**omgitskirby**: Heh.

**EvilValenStrife**: Ha! Cid's a blonde; he can't help it that he's a little bit slow, rocket scientist or not! Heh, she's awesome.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, or both? I'm too stubborn to die yet. So, the updates will keep coming.

**Purple Pallbearer**: Heh, they made me space out a lot and sleep even more. Perverted fantasies practically rule my stories.

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, he's a fun one to write; usually grumbling/cursing/throwing punches (or sticks of dynamite) over something or another. ...He has temper tantrums.

**Aeriths-Rain**: Heh, he's just a big ol' pile of marshmallow fluff on the inside...if you discount the ferocious demons.

**Turai**: Heh, we shall see!

**Addicted to your fics**: I promise I'm going to update; I might forget them from time to time, but I will update as soon as I remember to do so.

**Zion Celestia**: That he is! Sorry; it's not that soon of an update.


	19. Chapter 19

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>"I ain't got any goddamn problem with fags, Val!" Cid snapped, absentmindedly thinking that his previous plan of trying to use the politically correct terms to prove his point had effectively gone up in smoke. There was no way that he could do it; the blonde pilot had absolutely no way of filtering anything that could be considered offensive in his head before it reached his lips and fled from his mouth. Anything that came to mind, especially when he was feeling irritable, was going to be the first thing to spill from his mouth once he opened it. He had been lucky enough to keep his mouth shut quite a bit during the beginning of the game but this was getting trickier. Vincent was one hell of an opponent and was keeping all of his dark secrets to himself. "An' don't ya go off thinkin' that I do, ya hear?"<p>

"Hm, that is not an answer to my question, Chief," the brunette countered, making the blonde sneer. What the fuck kind of answer was the goddamn vampire looking for? He truly did not have a problem with gays and if he said he did he would be lying. One of the only rules in the entire fucking game was to tell the truth! So, lying was not an option and the quirky gunner was not going to take the truth as the answer, so what the fuck was he supposed to do?

"I'm tellin' ya the fuckin' truth!" Cid snapped before lowering his voice, momentarily forgetting that Cloud was sleeping on the bed just a few feet away. He really did not was to risk waking their leader up; the kid was getting pretty loopy the closer they got to reaching the Northern Crater. "I ain't got anythin' against fags, Val."

"Homosexuals, Chief," Vincent corrected, making the blonde roll his eyes. "And my name is Vincent."

"Ain't callin' either one of ya either one of 'em," the blonde retorted as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and rolled onto his stomach to look up at the ceiling, practically imitating a sullen teenager that was denied having his way.

"Why not?"

Oh, for fuck's sake! Was the man's mind turning to mush to start reflecting his age? Did he not fucking go over the reason behind his word choices earlier with the weirdo? Hell, it was not like the brunette actually called him by his own fucking name whenever he adressed him. Then again, he could not blame the guy for wanting to give him a nickname. It sure as fuck beat out "Cidney Highwind" any day of the week. But still, how many times did he have to go over this with the lanky wing nut?

"Val-"

"Vincent."

"Okay, listen here, ya fuckin' prude; I ain't callin' ya by yer fuckin' name 'cause-"

"I know that, Chief," the gunslinger interrupted, making the blonde pilot blink in confusion. If the nicely-aging weirdo knew that he was not going to be calling him by his actual name, why the fuck did he continue to correct him at every given chance and then pester him about using small words when he spoke? The fuck was this; his idea of fucking foreplay? It was really pissing him the fuck off, that was for sure! "I have realized that it has become a lost cuase but that does not mean that I am going to let it go uncorrected for all time." For all time? What the fuck was wrong with this guy? Was he planning on living forever because last he knew, men started dropping off once they reached their golden years. Perhaps living in a goddamn coffin and being a goddamn vampire had rattled the creep's head enough that hid adled brains became mush and he thought himself to be incincible? "However, I was speaking about your crass terminology concerning homosexuals."

"Eh?"

Well spoken, Cid. He could practically smack himself for sounding like an idiot; he knew what the brunette man was talking about but he could not stop the confused sound that fled from his mouth before it actually escaped. So, the brunette wanted to know why it was that he would not call gays by a more...frou-frou, frilly, pansy-ass term? Could he really not figure that out on his own or had hiding in a coffin scrambled his brains far worse than his geriatric ass could recognize?

"Val, I ain't usin' goddamn sissy words ta describe anythin'. Ever."

""Homosexual" is a "sissy" word, Chief?" Just by the tone alone, the pilot could tell that his companion was highly amused by the comversation in which they were engaged. Hell, he was sure that if anyone else had asked him that question they would have either been mocking him or been disgusted by his choice of words, piggish tone, or just plain old stubborness. Instead, this lanky little wack-job was amused. He had to admit, the fucker was a kind of special that was hard to come by nowadays.

"Yer damn right it is!" the blonde confirmed, unable to keep a grin from spreading across his face. He really should not have been so easily amused by the situation, but when he thought about it, it would have been even harder not have been amused. He was on a quest to stop a mass-murdering psychopath who was on a quest to end the planet because his "mother" wanted him to do it. He was traveling with the craziest bunch of wing nuts that he had ever seen; a group of people that, by all means, should never even be in the same city at once, let alone working together to kill a six-foot tall, silver-haired swordsman with an Oedipal complex that rivaled anything his had ever seen before. And instead of focusing on that rather daunting task, he had sex with, by far, the craziest and oldest man in their group; a guy who was found in a goddamn coffin, locked in a basement, dressed head to toe in leather and a damn cloak; and then was discussing why he refused to say the word "homosexual."

Oh, his father had to be rolling in his grave.

"You truly are an interesting one, Captain," Vincent said softly as he peered over the blonde through the darkness. Humming, the blonde looked over at the brunette and nearly jumped when he found glowing, red eyes staring at him. That would take some getting used to; the only people that he had seen with glowing eyes were either in Soldier or the junkies in Midgar who got a high off of shooting up mako. And, let's face it, neither one of those groups were the brightest in the bunch. Even then, the mako they took willingly and/or stupidly turned their eyes an odd bluish tint that glowed in the dark. And, last he had heard, the Lifestream was not pumping out red mako.

...Not that he thought the gunslinger was shooting up the dangerous stuff. Sure, the guy had a strange obsession with dark things and he seemed to actively hate any bit of cheeriness that Yuffie sent his way, not that he was blamed for it; the girl was way too goddamn chipper.

But, back on track, mako would have made his eyes a pretty blue shade to match the kid that was currently sleeping one bed down from them. Not creepy red that was practically something out of a horror film. Not that the brunette's eye color scared the fuck out of him, Cid was not a pussy!

He was a curious son of a bitch, though. Not that his mother was a bitch; she was an angel...excluding any time that she was menstruating or going through menopause.

"Hey, Val?" the blonde asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Yes, Chief?"

"Why the fuck do yer eyes glow red?" He could tell as soon as the words left his mouth that there had to be a more tactful way of asking that kind of question. ...But nothing came to mind and he had already asked it so it was way to late to take it back now.

"What do you mean, Cid?"

Red alert!

It was not often that the vampire-looking man actually called him by his first name and Cid was certain that it was a bad thing. When they had first met the brunette did not really talk to him directly, he was probably scoping him out or some shit like that. When he finally did gather up his balls in his hand and speak to him, he was called by his last name. Hell, the brunette man probably was uncomfortable calling people by their first names seeing how it usually meant that he would have to learn them and get attached and...well, the guy did spend sixty years on the goddamn planet. He probably watched a lot of his friends and family die, not including all of the Soldiers he was able to shoot down in their place. It would be enough to make anyone uncomfortable with getting attached.

"Ya don't know?" the blonde asked as he blinked in confusion. Did the guy never look in a fucking mirror? Wrong question, the fucker was found in a COFFIN. Of course he did not look in a mirror! "Shit, Val; yer eyes are fuckin' glowin' red! Ya ever see a cheesy horor flick?"

"No."

"...Never? Not even once?"

"No, I have never watched a horror film, Chief. Why?"

Well, that was some surprising information! The man look like he practically crawled out of a goddamn vampire movie as is. Surely they had some really grainy, cheesy, black and white movies from back when the vampire was born. He could not have just grown up without watching anything! ...Then again, if he did see something of that quality it probably would not have been of any help in his comparison.

"Yer eyes glow like a stereotypical vampire's would in the good ol' days, Val," Cid continued quickly, noting that the brunette's eyes appeared to light up in the dark. Metaphorically; they were already glowing, of course.

"Is that so?" the dark voice asked in amusement, making the hair on the nape of Cid's neck stand up. That deep, throaty chuckle sounded to him probably how a cat's content purr sounded to a cornered mouse. Not that he was the mouse, or anything!

"Yeah," Cid said, really hoping that the squeak in his voice was all in his head and that his voice did not raise in pitch the way that it sounded to him. Because that would not be something that he could easily explain if he was asked about it. Judging by the way that he was being stared at, considering how he could not see the rest of the brunette's face in the dark and could only goes by his amused eyes, his voice had squeaked similarly to that of a teenager who was going through the horrible phase of having his voice deepen.

Cid could tell that he would never be able to live this down if Vincent decided to tell anyone. Though, he was pretty sure that the brunette gunner would not be telling anyone in their little group about the way his voice cracked; the women would want to know what they were talking about previously and the men probably would not care.

"Do you know what your eyes remind me of, Chief?" the deep voice reverberated throughout the room, making the blonde shudder as he stared at the figure in the dark, the timber of his voice echoing in his head and making the pilot wonder exactly what was going on in the gunner's mind.

"Nah; feel free to share, though," Cid said as curiosity ran through his veins faster than sugar did through Yuffie's. His need to quell the eager inquisitiveness was damn near suffocating!

Review for more.

Ugh, this was a mind-fuck to write; I couldn't think of how to progress the storyline decently. Creativity permitting, more updates should follow quickly.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh, well, it's right up his alley! ...That came out wrong. HA! He's probably be chasing after the kids using a walker!

**omgitskirby**: Heh.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Ha! You know he does...he's a closet perv..."preev"!

**SentrySapper777**: Aww, thanks!

**.yasha**: Aww, thanks! Heh, that he does; he's a man of a multitude of simple words

**BasilMacVae**: Heh, I'm still alive! Still trying to get back on that horse, actually. In a non-perverted way. I'm trying! Sometimes Cid gives me a hard time but Vincent is rather straightforward.


	20. Chapter 20

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>"The sky," the deep voice that came from Vincent replied, making the blonde pause and blink almost stupidly. Did the guy just say that his eyes reminded him of the fucking sky? Dear Lord, this had to be the sappiest, pillow-talk that he had ever experienced! ...Not to mention that the person it was coming from was a lanky, yet very well muscled man in his sixties rather than a soft, well-busted woman who wanted to take a ride on a different kind of Highwind. This, however, was completely different. Not only because of the gender differences, but the fact that he was also on the receiving end of the pillow talk instead of being the one offering sweet words of nothing to his bed partner. "Sometimes the shade is a clear blue like that of the sky on a summer's day, other times it can grow stormy and unpredictable."<p>

He had to hand it to him, for a guy that had been is a coffin for the past thirty years, the man sure knew how to make the blonde pilot feel special. A little weirded out, but special nonetheless. "Ain't ya full of rainbows an' marshmallow fluff," Cid teased before the thought had fully registered in his mind. Oh, that could go wrong. Very wrong. The gunner could easily take it as his way of calling his gay...or soft... Either way would not be good.

"This...coming from a man that once offered to buy an ice cream cone for a crying child?" the brunette jested back, making the blonde's ears burn in embarrassment at the memory. The grandmother of said distraught child had thought that the blonde man was trying to kidnap her little girl and had promptly, and quite loudly, shrieked for the police while attempting to beat the living hell out of him with her goddamn cane, nearly breaking the fucking thing in half while she concussed the fuck out of him.

"Shut up," the pilot grumbled, eliciting a deep, throaty chuckle from the brunette. As much as Cid wanted to pitch a fit over being laughed at, and by fuck did he want to throw a fit, the laughter ended up making him smile, even if it was directed at him. It was not often, or even ever, that the brunette openly laughed. The fact that he was beginning to feel comfortable enough to do so in a room with two other people in it, even if one was asleep, made the pilot feel a bit warm inside. Not a gay warm, just a tingling warm. The kind of warm a person feels when a baby smiles warmly at them.

Not that Vincent was a baby; the man was in his sixties for God's sake! ...Maybe late fifties. Fuck, he was robbing a crypt.

"You must admit, Chief," the brunette said softly, the tone of his voice making Cid look over at him in curiosity. "We are on a very odd quest."

Snorting, the blonde spearman could not help but grin, "Nah; we're just tryin' to stop a guy from followin' his alien mother's orders to turn the planet into a fuckin' spaceship to get to the goddamn Promised Land. Perfectly sane, right there." Another deep chuckle came from the brunette as his glowing red eyes continued to stare at the blonde pilot. "'Sides, ain't like any of us had really normal lives 'fore this, Val."

"Vincent."

"Fuck off," Cid countered, unable to stop from grinning. There was no malice in his voice and he was sure that the brunette man could tell as another chuckle filled the air.

"I shall pass," Vincent said as his bright eyes shimmered in the dark with mirth. "My left hand would tear my penis to ribbons while my right hand will be insufficient in pleasure when I am busy preparing you for another round of sex." The light and teasing tone of his voice did little to quell the bubbling nervousness that had filled Cid's stomach, making him feel as though he managed to swallow a couple handfuls of little blue butterflies that were currently trying to fly back up his throat. Swallowing, partially out of the concern that if he opened his mouth they would fly out with the contents of his latest meal, the pilot chuckled half-heatedly.

Part of him wanted to know if the brunette was actually joking around or if he was telling the truth and wanted to have sex with Cloud sleeping in the same room. Past experiences had proven to him that the blonde leader of their group could sleep through a surprise attack on their group. ...It had taken Barret being thrown through the air and landing on the blonde's fucking tent, in what had to be the most painful awakening ever, to rouse the tired man enough to actually fight. So sex could hardly be on the same level as having the gigantic and heavily muscled man crashing into him at full force. ...Not that he was going to risk it, of course. Sex with Vincent was not on his list of things to do! Things to accomplish, not "do." Cid did not have a list of things...people...that he planned on fucking! But if he did, the lanky gunner would certainly not be on it!

...He hoped.

The man had a way of truly fucking with his world in a way that Cid had never seen coming and could probably find a way to wiggle on such a list if said list existed. Luckily, it did not. So the chances of that even happening were slim to none...and he was heavily leaning on the latter.

...How the fuck had he gone off on that tangent?

Oh, yeah...he had told Vincent to jerk off and the guy had a comeback about cutting his dick to pieces using his pig-stickers of a left hand because his right would be knuckle-deep in his ass. His ass, not the lanky motherfucker's own ass. But that would be a much more appealing thought. ...Minus the whole "bleeding chunks of flesh that used to be his dick" thing, of course. That could be a real turn-off. ...Not that the tall and thin gunner's dick was a turn-on.

Ugh! New thought!

"Yer such a fuckin' perv, Val," Cid commented, unable to think of anything else to say to the brunette. Really, what could he say that would not rouse the other man's sexual interest? "As fun as that seems, I'd rather watch ya prepare your own ass?" Yeah, and then he'll offer to blow Cloud in his sleep.

Not going to happen.

Ever!

A soft chuckle came from the other bed as the blonde pilot heard the brunette ex-Turk shift on his own bed, the crimson eyes vanishing from sight and leaving him alone in the dark. Guessing that the darker-haired man had given up on their conversation and wanted to get some rest before they had to get up and travel some more, Cid closed his eyes and sighed as he tried to get comfortable on the bed. The scent of sex still lingered in the room, making sleep a bit difficult for the spearman as the image of Vincent pleasuring himself continued to haunt his mind.

He tried to think of Yuffie doing the same thing to help stop the stiffening in the front of his pants, but all that happened was his mental image of her joined his mental image of Vincent. Cid was torn between wanting to vanish her from his mid just so she would stay away from the gunslinger or puncturing his own eyes out so he would never have to bear witness to such depraved thoughts again.

The only problem was that he could not guarantee that blindness would stop the images from forming in his mind. Due to the uncertainty, the blonde man gave up and tried to think of something new; like Spike sitting with a bunch of baby chocobos around him. That brought a smile to his face. As much as the kid hated to admit it, the birds, both little and big, flocked to the leader of their group like he was one of their own. It was fucking adorable the way the birds looked towards their leader with their big eyes and he stared back at them with his big eyes.

Like something in a child's book.

...Or Tifa's dreams. Who knew with that girl anyway?

Something warm spread across his neck, prompting the blonde man to open his eyes. Jerking at the sudden appearance of red eyes so close to his own he could feel the brunette's eyelashes fluttering against his own, Cid scrambled out of his bed as his heart hammered rapidly in his ribcage, he breath hitching at the sudden surprise.

"Son of a bitch! Ya tryin' ta get me ta keel over from a goddamn heart att-"

Cid's rant was cut off when something warm pressed against his lips forcibly, muffling the rest of his sentence and causing his mind to go blank. What exactly was he trying to argue about again?

Blue eyes fluttered shut when he felt long and thing fingers threading through his short hair before gripping the blonde lock's tightly and tugging it, making the shorter man gasp at the rough treatment and giving the brunette the opportunity to push his tongue into his mouth. Distracted by the hot tongue that had entered his mouth and rubbed lewdly against his own tongue, the pilot failed to notice that his metallic arm had wrapped around his waist before pulling their bodies flush against one another. The warmth against his body spurned the blonde man to push back while trying to dominate the kiss.

Sharp talons scraped against his jeans, the action's vibrations were felt more than the sound was heard. Grunting softly, Cid noticed that he was swiftly losing the battle for dominance and that he had to do something to get the upper hand before all was lost!

...Wait, he was kissing a man who was SIXTY!

That thought quickly traveled through his mind and got the blonde pilot to suddenly stop kissing back, leaving him panting for air when the brunette suddenly pulled back.

Review for more. Short, I know; but I felt like something had to go up today.

Thanks for reviewing:

**Toki Mirage**: (Chapter 2) That he is!

**Inuobsessed004**: Ha, like Cid plans these kind of things out?

**Toki Mirage**: (Chapter 19) Aww, thanks! Heh, a lot of people are reading this during work/class when they should be working/studying/whatever they're supposed to. Then again, I write these during work so...yeah... Aww, but now it's back! ...And over once more. It's a vicious cycle.

**Aeriths-Rain**: (Chapter 18) No problem; sorry for the late updates. Indeed!

**Aeriths-Rain**: (Chapter 19) Aww, thanks.

**EvilValenStrife**: Mama can know anything she wants. Little ol' me? Been doing just fine; I have the attention span of a kitten with a box full of balls of yarn.

**ABNORMAL2110**: Aww, I aim to please! Heh, and that he will! Let the staring commence!

**BasilMacVae**: Ha; it's confusing, huh? I'm working on it; I have a surprise in store...


	21. Chapter 21

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own... What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>What the fuck was he doing? He was actually kissing Vincent back after the lanky guy had shoved his tongue into his mouth for an impromptu round of tonsil hockey. Judging by how the front of his pants were tented, the blonde knew that there was no way that he would be able to talk his way out of it if the brunette man caught on. "Someone is aroused," a deep voice practically purred in his ear, making the hair on the nape of his neck stand upright as his mind frantically tried to create a comeback.<p>

Fuck.

The weirdo caught on.

...And he had nothing.

Even if he could think of something, the second the brunette stuck his hands down his pants all of his resolve would have melted. And fuck did he have some talented fingers! The brunette man had completely bypassed his boxers and gone straight for his dick, curling warm fingers around the base of his cock before squeezing tightly and pulling his hand up the length of his girth. A thick groan slipped from Cid's mouth as he bucked up into the touch, he mind skidding to a halt and focusing solely on the pleasure that the gunner's fingers brought to him.

He could hear his heart beating heavily in his ears as the blood seemed to drain out of his head and pump south, fogging his mind and leaving Cid completely at the gunner's will. A guttural moan escaped his lips as he felt a thin and warm finger rub teasingly against the tip of his shaft, smearing the fluid that beaded on the crowned head. The pilot licked his lips before he reached up and grabbed two fistfuls of the ex-Turk's dark hair. Pulling the taller man down, the blonde could feel the brunette's lips crash against his cheek before he angled his head and smashed their lips together, teeth clacking together as he pushed his tongue into the gunner's mouth.

A deep, pleased sound came from the taller man directly before the pilot felt the dark-haired man's hot tongue press against his own. Releasing his grip on the long and quite tangled hair with one hand, the pilot eagerly kissed back while pressing his body firmly against the hard muscles that were pressed against his own body. He should have known better than to do what he was currently doing; there would be no plausible way that he could possibly deny what he was doing if Cloud had managed to wake up. That thought was quickly vanished when he bucked into the gunslinger's nimble fingers. He was not sure exactly how the man had managed to do whatever the fuck he did, but it made the blonde forget exactly why it was that he tried to put off having sex with the skilled man in the first place.

Cid did not know exactly when it had happened, but somehow, Vincent had managed to pin him up against the wall of their three-person room, his body flush against the wall with the brunette rubbing against him. Delicious friction ground against he crotch, making the blonde bow away from the wall and arch into the pressure. Hazy, blue eyes fluttered open as something hot and wet rubbed against his throat. Struggling to focus on what was going on around him, the pilot slowly was able to put together the pieces. The ex-Turk had him pinned to the wall. All right; that did not mean much. He also was licking and nipping across his throat. Not necessarily a bad thing. It actually felt rather pleasant. And had his hand down his pants... Now that should have been a cause for some alarm. ...And if Vincent was not doing that awesome thing with his fingers, he would have objected. Instead, he just let it slide. ...Only so that the ex-Turk would not stop what he was doing...

Because it was so fucking good.

A thick moan came from the blonde as he writhed against Vincent's body, "Fuck..." When undoubtedly sharp teeth pressed against his skin gently, what could have been perceived as an unmanly squeak escaped his throat. The pilot ignored it as he clutched the brunette man by the front of his chest, his mind briefly wondering how he had missed the brunette stripping; even half asleep he should have realized something like that happening around him.

Cid groaned in displeasure, though he would never admit it, when the gunner pulled his hands out of his pants, the thin and skilled fingers slipping away from his aching cock. He wondered when the brunette man had gotten so skilled at giving hand jobs and the word "sixty" flitted through his mind, quickly vanished when he felt soft lips crashing against his own once more. Not wanting to look like a gaping fish that was being kissed; after all, the reputation of his sexual prowess was on the line; the pilot eagerly began to kiss back. Pushing his tongue against the taller man's, the short pilot tried to figure out a way to gain the upper hand while his hands splayed across the warm chest in front of him, fingers trying to map out the expanse of pale skin that he could barely make out in the moonlight. For someone who was so goddamn pasty he sure had a way of blending into the darkness.

And damned if the guy was not fucking sneakier in the dark than he was in the light!

As he continued to kiss the brunette deeply, Cid raked the tips of his fingers down the brunette's chest, letting out an unmanly squeak when he was lifted off of his feet. Part of the pilot was tempted to kick out, but the sudden grip on his thighs let him know that he would not be dropped. Vincent's hard body pushed between his thighs to settle against him, his warm flesh flush against the blonde as his grip remained on holding onto the pilot's thighs.

Part of Cid wanted to feel indignant about being held against the wall like some woman, but that part of him shut up once he felt the hard friction against his straining member. The blonde tried to shift closer to the thin hips that were rubbing against his own but Vincent's inhumanly strong grip prevented him from doing so. Unable to do much else, the pilot wrapped his legs around the taller man's waist while his fingers snaked up the thinner man's chest and neck before gripping his hair. Breaking the kiss, the pilot licked his lips as he looked up at the brunette man flush against him, blue eyes taking in the sight of the dark figure pressed against him.

Warm breath ghosted across his lips as dark red eyes gazed deep into his own eyes, fingers tightening their grip on the blonde's thigh while mechanical fingers made sure not to puncture too deep into the sun-kissed skin covered in denim. Cid could feel the sharp points of the gunner's talons piercing through his jeans and poking at his skin. Full lips pressed soft kisses along the pilot's jaw before moving down his throat, sucking heavily on one point and making the shorter male suck in a hitched breath.

"Val," Cid breathed as his back arched against his will, pressing their chests together as much as he could manage.

"Vincent," the ex-Turk murmured against his neck before lapping at what would undoubtedly become a brilliant hickey by the morning. From what Cid could feel, it was placed in a spot that would be hard to cover unless he wore his flight scarf tied tight around his throat. From what he knew of the gunner, there was little that he did without a reason; he really could not think of anything that the gangly fucker had actually done without thinking through the consequences of his actions. ...Well, except for jumping into bed with him. As far as Cid could tell, that shit was not planned out in the least bit. If it was...the lanky vampire sure had one fuck of a way to hide it from him.

The planning, not the jumping into bed, that is. Cid was pretty sure that he could figure out exactly how the whole fucking came into fruition.

Heh, whole fucking...hole fucking. Damn it, focus!

Cid was quickly pulled from his thoughts when he felt soft lips brushing against his ear while soft words were murmured into the lobe. "I do believe that you are still stretched out from earlier," Vincent practically purred before something hot and wet ran up the length of his ear. The pilot was certain that it had to have been the gunner's tongue from the heated air that washed over his moist skin. A pleased sound came from his throat as he craned his head, trying to lean farther into the intimate gesture. Licking his own lips, the blonde man leaned up in the direction that he guessed the brunette's lips were in, grunting when his lips collided with the bridge of the ex-Turk's nose.

Damn. He was way the fuck off.

A soft chuckle came from the gunner directly before the pilot felt the soft lips pressing against his own. The gunner's hot tongue had managed to snake its way into his mouth before the pilot had even thought about opening his mouth, leaving the shorter man wondering exactly when the hell he had relaxed his mouth to the point where he had either opened it or enough that the gunner could easily slip his tongue into his mouth without him realizing it. Either way, it did not speak well about his state of mind. But, like so many other thoughts, that one fled from his mind without so much as a second chance to be pondered over when the brunette began to do something completely unexpected with his tongue. He had somehow managed to curl his tongue around the blonde's, distracting him as he slowly lowered the shorter man onto his feet. Once the rocket scientist was standing back on his own feet, the ex-Turk swiftly set upon divesting the younger man of his clothes.

Feeling his feet touch the floor once more, the pilot leaned up into the kiss when the gunner pulled back, leaving him stepping away from the wall as he tried to keep their bodies connected. In his effort to do so, while a part of his mind openly mocked the complete turnaround from his earlier thoughts, the pilot did not even notice when he was quickly stripped of his clothes until his back met with the cold wall. Letting out a surprised shriek at the cold sensation, the blonde pilot jerked away from the frigid brick wall as a soft glow came from the bed where Cloud was sleeping a split second before a shrill beeping filled the air.

Both men froze as their attention turned towards the offending device as it chirped for attention. Blue eyes widened as a pale hand reached out and grabbed the PHS off of the bedside table before pulling it to his face.

"Hello?" Cloud yawned as he rubbed his eyes with his free hand, looking even more like a child than he already did. "Okay. ...Stick it out and we'll meet you guys later." Ending the call with a aloud beep, the leader of Avalanche turned his glowing, large, blue eyes towards the direction of the other beds. "Guys?" blinking at the sight of no one, the swordsman looked over the room before pausing at the sight of Cid being pinned to the wall by Vincent. "Uhh..."

"It's not what it looks like!" Cid snapped while wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to bend over and pull up his pants and underpants. On one hand, it could call attention to the fact that he was undressed if the blonde had not noticed it and the gunner could easily use the position to his favor. On the other hand, well...he was standing there bare-ass naked for everyone to see!

"Who called?" Vincent asked calmly as his right arm snaked around the blonde's waist, fingers rubbing his hip softly. Did the fucker just ask who the fuck the kid had just spoken to on the phone after they were caught with their goddamn pants down?

"Tifa. The others are going to wait out a large snowstorm that cut them off. ...Are you two..." the swordsman cut off as if he was thinking of the right words to use to describe what they were about to do, making Cid's ears burn in embarrassment.

"No!" the pilot snapped, not quite sure if the other blonde was asking if they were going to fuck like horny teenagers or if they were officially dating. Either way, he knew the answer.

"Yes," Vincent said calmly at the same time, making the blonde blink in confusion.

...What fucking question was he answering?

Review for more.

Sorry for the delays. My total for story ideas has topped eighty (with ease) and I'm still trying to keep up with the crazy throngs of reviews for this, "Stalking Follies" and "Jar Of Hearts." This will be the only update for today (sorry, **ABNORMAL2110** - I know you wanted more cheery stuff; it's still on its way! It just got a little detoured). Promise to keep ya'll updated!

Thanks for reviewing:

**mizperceived**: (Chapter Nineteen) That's kind of funny...in an ironic way.

**BasilMacVae**: Ha! Not in this one. Leaping and shrieking are for the other stories still in the planning phases. Psh, his anal virginity is gone. All he has left at the shreds of masculinity!

**Inuobsessed004**: Ha! Cid can dream. Aww, you know he's in the Lifestream mulling it over.

**Sir Shirkin**: Oh, well then you are not going to like this update... Well, he'll snap about the age difference eventually. Uh, I think I crushed that dream...

**ABNORMAL2110**: Aww, thanks! Pure luck on that, though. Ha; pretty sure I'll get complaints of cliffhangers no matter what I end a chapter with. Close, but no taking for Cidney...yet...

**Aeriths-Rain**: He's stuck on "sixty."

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Two) Heh.

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Six) Happy to be of assistance!

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Fourteen) It's all complete luck.

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Fifteen) Aww, thanks.

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Seventeen) Nope. He's effectively screwed.

**fetherhd**: (Chapter Twenty) There is!

**mizperceived**: (Chapter Twenty) No problem; I'm way off track with my writing/updating. Ha! It would!

**ZionCelestia**: Heh, well, it will take some time. Cid's tiny world has been shaken by that number. Cloud with chocobos is cute.

**JiLLiBeanz**: Aww, here you go.

**Spook**: Here's more for you!


	22. Chapter 22

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own... What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

* * *

><p>Large blue eyes blinked at them through the dark before the blonde turned to roll over, covering his face with the thick blankets as he muttered, "Okay. Have fun talking." Oh, the little fuckhead had no idea just how "fun" that particular brand of conversation was going to be. At least the kid had the good graces not to mention his state of undress...or was too fucking stupid to even see it with his huge-ass, glowing eyes. It was probably a safe bet to go with too fucking stupid; Cid was not willing to believe that the gunner had been able to block him; no matter how fucking taller the vampire was, he was still skinny as fuck all; from the leader of Avalanche's innocent gaze, well, more innocent than his own.<p>

"The fuck did ya mean by sayin' "yes?"" the blonde pilot snapped at the brunette gunner, not liking the way that the red eyes stared at him through the darkness. It was like he was being judged and tested and would never find out if he passed.

"Why would I say no?" Vincent countered, not even bothering to answer the fucking question like a normal human being. Then again, the guy was so many levels of fucked up it was not funny. "We are together, are we not?"

"Hell no!" Cid hissed, his voice muffling when a warm hand clamped down over his mouth. Although he could not see it, the blonde could tell that the brunette had raises his eyebrow in amusement. Huffing, the pilot opened his mouth and ran his tongue across the slim hand in an effort to get the taller man to uncover his mouth. It had always worked before on the people who were stupid enough to place their hands over his mouth in an effort to shut him up; after all, who the fuck would like having someone else's spit smeared across their skin?

...And yet, the whack-job was not removing his hand.

A deep chuckle filled the air as the glowing eyes moved closer to his face, tempting the blonde pilot to swing in his direction. "I do believe that you have misunderstood my intentions, Chief," the gunner murmured softly before a feather light kiss was pressed to the tip of his nose. "I do not simply have sex with someone to satiate carnal desires." Okay, in layman's terms: the brooding emo was not just fucking him for the sake of fucking him. Sure would have made things a lot easier if he was...or if he would be the one getting fucked. Hell, the guy was beginning to sound like a fucking broad. And if there was one thing that the ache in his ass was screaming at him about, it was the fact that he let some sixty year-old male geezer fuck him silly.

Ugh, there it was; the one thing that could kill his sex drive: Sixty. The guy was fucking sixty!

"Do you understand what I am telling you, Chief?" the deep voice returned, breaking into the cycle of voices in his head that continued to repeat the brunette's age over and over again in high-pitched, sing-song-y voices. Focusing back on the brunette's words, the pilot's eyes narrowed as he tried to think about what the lanky weirdo was taking about. The geezer had said that he did not just sleep with anyone, so there had to be something different about the blonde that had attracted the gunner in a way that the taller and older man had deemed him as someone to have sex with. Something had to be special about him. It was not simple enough to think that the pseudo-vampire was trying to woo him, right?

Right?

Because the chances that the brunette was trying to date him were slim to none. And the chances that the brunette was trying to say that he was only going to be fucking him, or vice-versa, were even smaller. It was only a way to get off; to release some sexual tension while on their travels. ...Because the guy was still attracted to Lucinda-something-or-other and he had Shera waiting in his home...hopefully not fucking up the place by trying to redecorate. So they were not going to date. He was not attracted to Vincent and the ex-Turk was not attracted to him. The fucker was sixty; the big six-zero. Grand-pappy material. Gray hair, saggy balls, wrinkly skin; Grand-pappy.

Then again, there was nothing else that he could think of that could explain what the lanky creep was trying to talk to him about. It's not like he was overly vague about it.

Vincent did not sleep around. Check. That made sense; the guy was not exactly a player. Hell, he could almost be certain that every single person the guy had fucked with was someone that was in a serious relationship with him. Well, except for this time; obviously. They were not in a serious relationship; neither one of them were gay and that was not going to change any time soon. Hell, they were not in any relationship! No dates, no romance, no fucki- Well, there was fucking but that did not meant that they were boyfriend and girl...boyfriend? Just how the fuck would that even work out in the first place? Would they both be boyfriends? Would one of them be the girlfriend? Who would be which one? Would they have to sit down and fucking talk about their roles like two chicks?

No fucking chance of that happening; he was already in a relationship with Shera and Vincent was still not over Lucy...damn it, what the fuck was her name? Well, he was not exact in a relationship with Shera. The woman was one clingy chick and he was not the kind to settle down. Ever. He liked wandering around when the mood to get out of the hanger and often took to flying around the world for weeks at a time. Granted, she was always in the house when he came back, but there was a part of him that hoped that she would finally get some sense and flee from him and find someone else to pester all day. ...That probably was not the kind of behavior that someone would have towards someone that they were in a relationship, right? ...Fuck. All right, so he was single. Technically, the gunner was single, too. Highly attached to some chick who broke his heart, sure, but still single.

And the weirdo was saying that he did not sleep around on people or sleep with just anyone, right? He said he did not fuck just out of lust, which meant that he would have had to have feelings for someone in order to fuck them, right? Damn, there were too many "have had"s in that fucking thought to make sense. Okay, the guy was sixty. Holding back the revulsion that filled his mind at that thought, the blonde continued to think. So if the guy was that old, he would most likely be an old fashioned kind of guy. Meaning that the gangly ex-Turk would only sleep with someone that he cared about.

...Oh fuck...

Looking up at the glowing, red eyes with his wide, blue eyes, Cid stared at Vincent like he had just realized that the coffin-dweller was in his sixties. A deep chuckle met his ears before the eyes moved closer and soft lips pressed against his forehead. Honestly, for a guy that spent thirty years sleeping in a fucking coffin, the guy sure had some soft lips. He would have to ask the red-eyed emo exactly how he kept his lips from getting chapped while he was- Why the fuck was he focusing on how soft the guy's lips were? He had bigger problems!

...Like the fact that the guy was fucking crazy!

Seriously, who the fuck tells someone that they had just fucked that they were in love with them? Implied love. Vincent did not exactly say that he was in love with him; he said that he did not sleep with anyone out of just lust.

"Good to see that you are catching on, Chief," Vincent chuckled deeply before removing his hand from the pilot's mouth. "That is why I answered with a "yes" and not a "no." I am not simply having sex with you, Cidney-"

"Cid!" the pilot snapped, momentarily wondering if the brunette had called him that as revenge from being called "Val" instead of "Vincent" all the time. A deep chuckle met his ears once more, telling him that the brunette had done it specifically to twist his nuts.

"I have grown to prefer you."

"...Ya prefer me?" Cid asked as he blinked. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

"Yes. If there was only one person that I could protect from harm during this attempt to kill Lucrecia's child, if would be you." There it was! Lucrecia! That was the chick's name. Wait, what? They were trying to kill her fucking kid? Holy fuck. That had to be a kick in the balls. At least the kid was not his. ...Right?

Let's see... The silver-haired whacko had to be in his early to mid thirties and Vincent had been sleeping in a coffin for thirty or so years. That would leave a couple of years between his coffin days and her giving birth. Deduct the nine months and...

Son of a bitch...

"Val..." Cid began, not quite sure as to how he could even begin to approach this new topic with the gunner. Shit, no wonder the guy was so secretive; his life was so fucked up. "Did ya ever fuck her 'fore ya decided to spend three decades in a goddamn basement?" Good idea, speak to the guy about the chance that the silver-haired General could be his kid without even thinking through how you would say it. That is a guaranteed way to find out what it is like to be tossed out a window by a giant, emo version of Ichabod Crane. On the plus side, it would be like flying for a short while...

"No," came the quick answer, making the blonde blink.

"No; ya didn't fuck her or no; ya ain't gonna answer me?" Cid asked once more before thinking ahead. Smart; keep poking at the festering wound. Maybe next time he can pour some salt on it! Waiting for an answer, the pilot wondered which silence was more awkward; this wait for an answer or the awkward silence when the brunette was about to fuck him for a second time that night. Both silences definitely had their moments but he was leaning more towards this silence being the more awkward of the two. The fact that they might be killing their teammate's kid made things a whole lot more tense and made the pilot wonder if perhaps the brunette did not actually want them to win. If it were his son, the blonde would be more inclined to save his own flesh and blood than the group of crazies that were trying to kill him.

"He is not my son," the gunner said softly, his red eyes still staring at the blonde man right in front of him. Part of Cid wanted to see the rest of his face so that he could tell what the brunette was feeling, but the other part of him was sure that he would not like what he would see. For all he knew, the enigma could be crying in front of him. Ha! That was a good one. "Sephiroth is no son of mine, Chief."

"So ya'll didn't-"

"We did."

Val-

"Vincent."

"Dammit, Val, ya know very well that-" Cid's words were cut off when he felt soft lips slamming against his once more.

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**Inuobsessed004**: He thinks otherwise...

**ABNORMAL2110**: Ha!

**BasilMacVae**: Heh; he's very skilled at it.

**mizperceived**: He's so innocent...it's why Reno stalks him.

**Turai**: Ha! Good one!


	23. Chapter 23

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own... What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>A hot tongue snaked into his gaping mouth before Cid had even realized that the gunner had just done that to shut him up. Though not one to be outdone, the shorter male eagerly kissed back, rubbing his tongue against the taller man's as he grabbed the ex-Turk by his hair. Keeping his grip on the tangled locks of dark hair, the blonde was determined to beat the brunette man at his own game; if he could maintain dominance then there was a very good chance that he could manage to dominate the brunette this time around.<p>

Feeling the back of his head hit the wall as he tried to focus on taking control, Cid missed the feeling of warm fingers and metal claws ghosting down his chest and stomach before he was suddenly gripped around his hips and hefted off of his feet, giving the brunette easier access to his mouth. A muffled sound escaped the blonde as he was pinned to the wall by the taller man, the tips of his toes barely able to brush along the floor as he stretched them out. Fingertips slid along his hips, the sharp talons scraping against his sun-kissed skin gently as the brunette shifted his grip to his ass while he pushed his body against the blonde's.

Biting down on the brunette's tongue none too gently but not too hard, the blonde struggled to think of a way that he could take back his hope of control over the situation. With his current position it was not like he could flip them over and pin that lanky bastard against the wall, the guy was holding him in the fucking air as he kissed him senseless. His thoughts were beginning to go hazy before the gunner pulled back slightly, tilting his head to the side and pressing soft kisses along the pilot's jaw as the blonde breathed raggedly. As he panted, sucking in as much air as he could, Cid struggled to focus on much other than the soft kisses that were being pressed down his jaw. Given his current position, the pilot was trying to think of a way to turn the tide and gain the upper hand; being held against the wall would not work in his favor, especially with the brunette's hands cupping his ass.

And while he did enjoy the feeling of warm metal and hot flesh cupping his ass, which was still tender from the earlier breech into his body, Cid was certain the he would enjoy cupping the pasty gunner's ass in his hands far more. His thoughts on the matter when cut shorts, however, when he felt the sharp teeth that belonged to Vincent nipping along his pulse point their bodies rubbed together, his cock throbbing with need between their hard abdomens. The dry friction between their muscles pulled a pleased sound from the pilot as he bucked his hips up instinctively. He could tell that his body was getting towards the point of no return; a time he nicknamed for himself for whenever he would be so close to his own climax that he did not care what he agreed to or what he said if the end resulted were that he would be able to blow his load in another body.

This would most likely be one of the rare times that he reached his climax without being buried balls-deep inside of some pretty girl's...well, you know.

...And there were also a few times when he was too shitfaced to realize that the pretty girl was anything but.

Cid's thoughts were cut off once more when Vincent rolled their hips together, the brunette's impressive length putting pressure on his own and causing him to groan thickly. He tried to muffle the sound because Cloud was trying to, and hopefully was, sleep a matter of feet away from when the ex-Turk was probably fixing to pound him into the goddamn wall just to shut him the fuck up.

...Because they were probably going to kill his fucking son.

Oh, man, did the math work out on that one!

Cid tried to ignore the rubbing against his body as he thought the timeline out.

Vincent did some fucked up shit to get locked in a goddamn coffin for thirty years. Most likely something to do with sleeping with Lucille or Luna-something-or-other; why was her name so fucking difficult to remember? Fuck it; he would just refer to her as Lucy in his mind. And after he got out of the wooden box thirty-some odd years later, a six-foot something or other swordsman with sharp features and fucked up eyes in his early thirties was planning on killing everyone to make his fucking mother happy.

Hell, Lucy must be one fucking hell of a psychopath.

But not for sleeping with Val, of course. More for the whole "get to the Promised Land and slaughter anyone in your path" deal.

And she looked fucking creepy as hell.

...Wait, he could have sworn that Sephi-I-lost-my-last-marble-roth called his ass-ugly Ma by the name Jenova...

Did Val fuck a goddamn alien?

"Focus, Chief," the gunner purred against his throat before pressing their lips together. A hot and moist tongue pushed into his mouth before Cid could possibly think about doing anything to get a step ahead of the lanky motherfucker.

Oh, God, that name was even funnier now that he knew that the sixty; ugh, SIXTY; year-old man probably was a motherfucker in the most literal of senses now.

Unable to help himself, Cid snorted in amusement against Vincent's lips, getting the brunette to pull back before red eyes looked him up and down.

"Are my techniques humorous, Cidney?"

"Cid!" the pilot snapped half-heartedly; the name was really starting to grow on him with the way that the graveled voice rolled the syllables out.

"Cidney," the taller man quickly replied, his lips quirked slightly to form a small smirk. "Tell me what you find so amusing."

"Yer a motherfucker," Cid blurted out before he could stop himself, making out the way a brunette eyebrow raised in the dim lighting from the moonlight.

"Is that so?"

"Ya'd have ta be if ya fucked Lucy," the blonde continued before his mind could filter exactly what it was he was saying.

Well, if there was ever a way to ensure that he would not only not be getting fucked by the gunner but seal the deal on never being ever to fuck the skinny yet muscled body until he was a limp tangle of gangly limbs, that was one way to do it.

"...Lucy?"

"Yeah; Lucy, Linda, Lulu, Luna, Lucille...somethin'! The goddamn mother ya fucked all them years ago. That makes ya a motherfucker."

"Chief, she was not a mother when we...had relations."

"Fucked."

"You are so crass," the brunette replied, quickly changing the topic of their discussion.

"Says the guy that was jus' 'bout ta ram his dick up my ass!"

"That is anal sex, not crassness."

"...Never say that again; ugh. Yer so fuckin' damaged, Val."

"Vincent."

"Fuck ya, too!"

Chuckling softly, the brunette leaned down and softly pressed their lips together, murmuring softly, "I do believe that you have an aversion to correct grammar and sentence structure, Chief."

"Yeah, an' yer gonna tell me that ya were a goddamn English teacher sixty-fuckin' years ago?"

"I would not lie to you, Cidney."

"Cid!"

"Mm, hm; I'll get yours right when you get mine correct."

"That's fuckin' blackmail!"

"...You are very special, Chief."

"One in a fuckin' million," the blonde said brightly as he grinned, missing the point that the brunette was trying to make without even batting an eye.

"I am not too sure of that; I have yet to meet a million people in this decade. I shall let you know the results when I do."

"Har-de-fuckin'-har," the blonde wisecracked dryly as he rolled his eyes. "I'm tellin' ya, Val-"

"Vincent."

"Yeah, well he can fuck himself, too!"

"...I do believe that would be masturbation..."

"...Yer sick..."

"You suggested it, Cidney."

"Cid!"

A deep chuckle emitted from the tall gunman's throat as he rolled his hips once more, bringing another groan from the stocky blonde in his hands. "I do believe we are getting off topic."

"Yeah, we were talkin' 'bout yer kid."

"...I do not have a son, Chief."

"Didn't say "son," Val. I said "kid.""

"Fine; I do not have a child."

"Then who's the goddamn father of the silver-haired, gangly bastard with muscles that's runnin' 'round tryin' ta see if we can imitate chickens?"

"...Imitate chickens?"

"Yanno; runnin' 'round with our heads cut off?"

"...You deserve to be mayor of your little town, Chief."

"...Huh?" Cid asked as he blinked at the deadpanned statement. "Was that some kind 'a fuckin' insult?"

"Hush. You are going to wake Cloud."

"Spike will be jus' fine; probably dreamin' 'bout fuckin' chocobos fer all we know."

"Chief, listen carefully..."

"...Yanno there aren't any crickets; too cold for them fuckers."

"...I merely paused for dramatic effect, not for you to listen to insects."

"Oh. Well go on, then! I ain't got all night!"

"Lucrecia and I had sex, yes. She did get pregnant, yes."

"So yer the damn dad of General Crazy Straw!"

"I am not. Hojo is the father of Sephiroth."

"...What the fuck have ya been snortin', Val?"

"Vincent."

"That scrawny shrimp-"

"He is probably around your height, Chief..."

"Ya shut the fuck up! No way in Hell!"

"We can always measure you, Cidney."

"The fuck we will, I know my goddamn height an' I ain't need ta go 'round paradin' it fer everyone ta see!"

"Continue with your earlier statement," the brunette pressed, his lips curved into a slight smile at how easy it was to work up the blonde.

"Yeah; like I was sayin'...the guy ain't no way related ta the sword-wieldin' lunatic. Yer both tall-"

"Lucrecia was tall as well."

"Got fucked up eyes..."

"That's debatable, Chief."

"Got muscles but can still pass off as a skinny fuck..."

"Workout regimens determine muscle mass."

"Long-ass hair..."

"I have been in a coffin for thirty years. Did you expect me to cut it myself in a coffin with no scissors?"

"Shut up. Y'all got crazy aim, too-"

"Merely good eyesight, Chief."

"Fuckin' horrible style when it comes ta fashion..."

"Again; debatable."

"Oh, that fuckin' ain't, Val!"

"Vincent."

"Ya look like a group of emos from a school of cuttin' picked clothes out of a Gothic, Dracula catalog an' a fuckin' S&M store ta dress ya!"

"...Come again?"

"Heh, come... Listen up, Val-"

"Vincent."

"He's yer fuckin' kid an' ya gotta get used ta the idea."

"He is not my child."

"The fuck he ain't! What even makes ya think that the kid would be related ta Doctor Demented, anyway?"

"Lucrecia was married."

As that sentence settled in to Cid's mind, his eyes widened in both horror and humor, "No..."

"Yes."

"Yer a goddamn home-wrecker!"

"Captian..."

"Holy, fuck! What the hell was wrong with her? She got a uni or somethin'?"

"...What?"

"Yanno..." Cid said as he grinned slyly, raising one hand to lay his finger across his brow to create a fake uni-brow.

"Cidney..."

"That's fucked up, Val!"

"She was perfect."

"She was married ta a goddamn psychopath!"

"I know that, Cid! Don't you think I knew that at the time!" Vincent snapped, effectively silencing the blonde pilot as he fumed, rustling sounds coming from the background as Cloud mumbled incoherently in his sleep and rolled onto his back. "She was everything to me!"

"...Shit..."

"And now..."

"She's dead?"

"What? No!"

"No?"

"...She's alive, Chief."

"...Yer fuckin' kiddin' me."

"She is alive and...well...last I heard."

"Then ya gotta tell me somethin', Val."

"Yes?"

"Why the fuck ain't ya with her if she's still alive? 'Cause she's sixty?"

"No."

"...What a fuckin' answer. "No." Keep yappin', Val! Why ain't ya off marryin' yer true love an' raisin' yer fucked up kid together?"

"Sephiroth is not my child! He stopped being my child when she gave him to Hojo!"

"...Holy shit..."

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Thanks for reviewing:

**BasilMacVae**: Knowing my version of Cid? He'll probably blurt it out without even realizing it.

**Inuobsessed004**: Heh.

**ABNORMAL2110**: He does; just a big ol' softie underneath all that leather and gunpowder.

**Niko Nello**: Aww, thank you!

**ZionCelestia**: He is.

**mizperceived**: Sorry; you're the reason I had to add that in. Heh, he's blonde.

**Whitika Oblivion**: Aww, thanks! Always glad to see knew people.

**Resident Evil Lionhart**: Heh, here's more for you!

**Sarikalina**: Heh, you should talk to **mizperceived** - she loves that idea. You're welcome!

**Aeriths-Rain**: (Chapter 21) Heh, he's got horrible timing.

**Aeriths-Rain**: (Chapter 22) Aww, thanks! No problem; I'm slow with updates.


	24. Chapter 24

Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, yaoi, use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own... What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

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><p>There was no way that he had heard that correctly. Not only had the crazy motherfucker possibly wrecked a marriage, and got himself locked in a goddamn coffin underneath a basement, but he had knocked up the tramp that fooled around on her husband! Granted, he could see why she probably did not want to spread her legs for the nasally-voice shrimp that she married. Not only was the guy an assault on one's eyes, but he was also harsh on the eyes, too!<p>

All things aside, though, that was really fucked up. So the tramp not only got knocked up after knocking boots with the lanky motherfucker that was currently staring at him with those fucking disturbing eyes, but she also traded him over like a prize chocobo that had seen its last days. Ignoring the crawl of skin at the feeling of being watched, the blonde continued with his train of thought; the gunner knew that she was pregnant so she had to have told him. And, knowing the lanky guy as well as he did; or, at least, as well as the guy would let him; Cid could easily jump the small gap the gunner had tried to get the whore of a chick to settle down with him and leave the man, or lack thereof, that she married.

Obviously, something had gone fucking wrong. Smart money was on Lucy jumping the ship and turning Vincent over to her whack-job of a husband. He could only guess that the bat-shit crazy doctor did not react well when the wannabe-vampire confronted him about divorcing his wife so the kid could marry her. He was not sure how the nasally-voice son of a bitch was able to overpower a heavily armed kid in his prime, but somehow the guy had managed it and took his unborn child and severely fucked him up past the point of no return. There was no doubting that fact; Sephiroth was so fucking far off the deep end he was scaring the fuck out of the damn sharks.

"She traded the remainder of my fragile life..." Vincent continued, making Cid's inner voice want to laugh at the thought of the gunner being even the slightest bit fragile. It would have been much funnier if the surrounding story around it was not so goddamn depressing. Seriously, the guy's life was just one giant cluster-fuck after another. "For the chance to hold her son."

"He was yers, too," the pilot interjected, shifting slightly at the level stare that he was given in return.

"I pleaded with her not to experiment on our child," the gunner continued, pinning the blonde in his spot with his dark red and glowing eyes.

"Woah, now-"

"And she did not care at all, Chief... She wanted to become a famous scientist. She was willing to trade her life and the life of her child to science. ...To Hojo." The blonde pilot cringed at the venom in the gunner's voice as he spat the doctor's name out like it was venom in his mouth.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Cid cried out as he waved his arms in a time-out motion. "Hold the goddamn phone. Yer tellin' me that Lucy-"

"Lucrecia," Vincent corrected.

"What-the-fuck-ever. She not only let herself be fucked with, but her unborn kid? Where her parents fuckin' related 'cause that's fucked up. That's actually beyond fucked up. I mean, sure, there are women who snap and kill their kids all the time- Hey, don't give me that fuckin' look; it's on the news all the time in Rocket Town. People in Midgar or some backwoods, podunk, little piece of shit town can't handle the stress of bein' a parent or are afraid ta lose their kids so they off them then themselves. But lettin' some fuckin' psycho have a crack at the kid that's growin' inside 'a ya? That's a whole new level of bein' fucked in the head. ...And not the fun kind!"

"...There is a fun kind?" Vincent asked dryly as his eyebrow quirked.

"Are ya tellin' me that ya ain't never gotten any head, Val?"

"Vincent."

"Answer the goddamn question!"

"...I will need you to rephrase as I already have one head."

"Holy fuckin' shit!" the blonde cried out, grunting when a pale hand was clamped over his mouth.

"If you cannot keep from waking Cloud, we shall not finish this, Chief."

"Mmph!"

"...I am going to take that as an acquiescence that you will lower you voice," the taller man said before slowly removing his hand. Honestly, who the fuck did this guy think he was? There was no reason for one guy to completely cover someone's mouth against their will. ...Well, there was one fucking reason but that was damn creepy and he did not see Valentine as the raping type. Murdering, sure, but not rape. The guy had a soft heart...underneath all that metal, leather, and no-nonsense attitude.

"Yer fuckin' vanilla," Cid accused as he poked the brunette in his chest.

"Vanilla? As in: the bean used for perfume?"

"Holy shit!"

"Chief..."

"All right, all right," the pilot continued as he waved his hand. God, he could really use a goddamn cigarette about now. "I'm callin' ya plain. Have ya ever had sex besides in the standard, missionary position?"

"I have you pinned against a wall, Cidney," Vincent retorted, looking far too smug in the dark for the pilot's liking.

"The name's Cid!" the stocky blonde hissed.

"Show me your birth certificate."

Bristling at the idea of handing that information over to the sly fuckhead, the blonde thought through the implications before grinning mischievously. "I'll make ya deal, Val. Show me yers an' I'll show ya mine."

"...Is that not what little boys tell each other before comparing penises?"

Cid was really starting to hate the superior tone in the gunner's voice. Did the man actually have a fucking comment for everything? Hell, he did not talk nearly this much when the rest of Avalanche was around! "Hell, is that what ya tell kids, Val? How many times have ya said somethin' like that ta some kid?"

"I do not prey on children, Cidney."

"Cid! Fuckin' Cid, that's it!"

Once more, the blonde felt the warm palm of the pale man's hand pressed against his mouth, effectively muffling his words in an attempt to fully silence him. He could hear the clicking of the brunette's tongue against his teeth and was instantly reminded of some mother hen with the infamous "I told you so" on the tip of her tongue. "Subtlety is not your strong suit," Vincent commented before leaning down so his face was closer to the shorted man's. A muffled grumble came from the somewhat silenced pilot, making Vincent grin slightly as he leaned closer, "Tell me, Chief, if I show you mine, will you in fact show me yours?"

Assuming that the seductive sounding tone of voice used was just the fucker's way of screwing with his head to make him think that he was only pretending to talk dirty when he actually was talking about the birth certificates, Cid decided to call his bluff.

He nodded, jerking slightly when the bright red eyes vanished from his sight and a warm voice breathed in his ear, "Once Sephiroth has been disposed of, I shall go locate my birth certificate and we shall trade them for observational purposes." With so many large words in that sentence, and with the hot breathing still in his ear, the blonde struggled to focus on what was more important in that sentence. It could have been the fact that the sixty year-old nutcase had so callously mentioned killing his own flesh and blood; no matter how twisted, the kid was still his biologically. There was obviously some bad blood between them all.

Cid wanted to feel bad for Sephiroth; the loon had no chance at having a normal life when his mother was fucked up the wazoo and a father in a coffin while an insane scientists played "Daddy." But having been with ShinRa for a while, and seeing the silver-haired motherfucker up close and personal, the blonde could not really muster up much sympathy for the lunatic. He knew that it was not the freak's fault, but that did not do much to change his feelings on the matter at hand.

Then again, the fact that the gunner actually agreed to swap personal information with him was a huge fucking leap towards accomplishing his goal of getting the dipshit to actually open up and fucking trust him. Hell, it would also fucking confirm whether or not the guy was sixty. And, boy, did he ever want the answer to that fucking question! Granted, he was reluctant about having to hand the stoic motherfucker his own information; he was certain that the brunette would mercilessly throw his full name in his face all the fucking time. And so fucking help him, if he so much as breathed a word of his full name to Yuffie there would be bloodshed! ...Granted, some of it would be his after he got in the first shot, but it would be fucking worth it! Hell, maybe the lanky bastard had a crazy middle name to.

...Probably something that started with a "V."

Something hot and wet slid across his earlobe suddenly, making the blonde jump slightly as his mind whirred, quickly making the connection that Vincent had licked his ear. Did the weirdo think that they were fucking done talking just because his hand was over his mouth and that he could move on to more gratifying uses of his time?

Fuck no.

Squirming against the ex-Turk, Cid wiggled between the brunette and the wall, working to uncover his mouth as well as free his pinned body so they could finish their discussion about his fling with Lucille-something and what the fuck happened that led to him being locked in a goddamn coffin in some rundown basement. Unfortunately for the blonde, he was sidetracked again when sharp points nipped and nibbled against his ears, making him squirm for a whole different reason.

Cid had never once thought about his ears as being particularly sensitive; hell, he was a guy and the main thing that he thought about having touched by someone else was a certain something that he kept in his pants. Now, no woman that he had never been with had ever even attempted to nip, nibble, and suck on his ears when trying to get him in the mood; again, all thoughts immediately went to the special something that would tent his boxers. Now, the pilot was not fucking blind when he looked in a mirror. He knew that given certain angles, his ears stuck out worse than Dumbo's and made him look like a goddamn disproportionate farmer from the middle of nowhere, not a distinguished rocket scientist and machinist.

And with the way the gunner was lavishing his ears with sensual touches using only his mouth, the blonde could not help but wonder why the fuck no one else had given it a fucking shot before he met Vincent "Vampire" Valentine.

"Cidney," the deep and dark voice rumbled in his ear as his hot breath laved over his dampened ear. Part of Cid wanted to correct the gunslinger even though he knew that it would be impossible with the man's current grip over his mouth. "Do you want some vanilla?" He blinked in response to the lurid question that at first thought made no sense. Thinking it through, the blonde's eyes widened once he made the jump between their conversations. Did the guy just ask him whether or not he wanted plain or kinky sex? They were in a room with the leader of their group sleeping a few feet away! Anything that they did at this point would be considered far more than vanilla!

Who the fuck would have guessed that the gunner got kinky when it was pointed out that he was blander than cardboard?

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**Inuobsessed004**: Ha! It does!

**ABNORMAL2110**: Heh, well, Cid's life is a cluster-fuck of missteps.

**EvilValenStrife**: Pretty good. Been on six different types of pills as well as having four wisdom teeth removed.

**Aeriths-Rain**: He really doesn't. Aw, thanks!

**SentrySapper77**: Aww, thanks! I like Cid's personality a lot.

**Sir Shirkin**: Heh, you doubt me?

**happie-day**: Heh, a bit! Aww, thanks! Here's more for you.


End file.
